Summer Yum Part two

I can only fit 5 pics per blog post so I had to share this one seperately. This is what I affectionately call our "redneck green beans". You see, my dh hates to spend money, and is the KING of "making do" with what we have. So when I said, "I need wooden stakes and string for my green beans" I mistakenly thought this would be a simple project. Well, J. is an electrician. So we have tons of conduit and wire. So - low and behold, as he asked me to help him with the bean poles, and I see this contraption going up - I could only shake my head. We wound up having to electrical tape the wire to the poles since it was slippery.
I really could do an entire blog post on the "additions" we have to our house and garden from his "redneck" tool box!

Where on where??

Where on where is this summer going?? Does anyone but me feel like it was June 1 yesterday?? Have we been doing too much or not enough?? Only three weeks til our Myrtle Beach vacation. Counting the days already. Although that means the kids are back in school soon after that. Mixed feelings about that. Love being home with them but I do enjoy the routine of school. K. expressed her feelings to me yesterday that she really does not like being home alone when I am at work in the summer. Broke my heart. There is no other option at her age, as we do not live in a place dense with camp options and she refuses go to sleepover camp. I did tell them both whether they liked it or not, they were going next year, and hopefully to Twin Pines with the church. They need to get out more. Too much time together = bickering. They have always gotten along very well, but I am noticing a bit more of the "you're bugging me" bickering going on lately.

So here I thought I would share a bit more silliness. Those balloons the kids discovered they could fill into huge water balloons using the pump jet in the pool. They competed to see who could get one bigger and they actually carried them around, they weighed like 30 lbs! And then one more shot from OC - the infamous flipflops. Boy were we acting like tourists or what!?

Happy summer everyone! Enjoy it while we can!

Birthday weekend

My baby turned THIRTEEN this weekend. So hard to wrap my brain around that. Then, she walks up to me looking all grown up like this...and reality slaps you in the face. Yes, she is thirteen. Lots of changes this year. Inside and out. I am so proud of her efforts in her therapy, and what a beautiful girl she is becoming.

We celebrated Friday nite with her friends....more on that later....but took this shot of the table. She requested "mommy's famous giant cookie" instead of a cake. And no more fluff - Pirates of the Carribean tablecloth and plates. What more could a group of teen girls want - giant cookie, soda, and cheeseballs! Oh yeah, and pizza!
Then, Saturday - we hit the road with Aunt Gigi and went to the OC beach. Many many things about the day did not turn out the way we planned, but hey - we still had a great day!! Birthday dinner wound up bring board walk fries sitting on the boardwalk - which K. announced was "perfectly fine with me!" - and then the hugest pizza ever! All of the kids got a kick out of "accidently" flicking a few fries off the boardwalk to watch the gulls - of course I couldn't resist a bit of "mine, mine,mine" humor - and all K. said was, "Thank goodness they aren't really saying that, that would get annoying!"


The beach was great! (Not the Carolina's but it was nice!) And there is really nothing like watching these gorgeous creatures first of all to make you feel eternally grateful for them in our lives but to also suddenly feel all 39 of my years, and every pound of my weight! ::::grin::::

Some flowery goodness

My flower beds are not exaclty the way I want them this year. The perennials are maturing and I think some of them need divided and such. But I was walking around last night admiring the color and thought I would take some pictures to cheer myself up. Funny, my favorite bed is the one that I just threw together at the side of the house, that has been left to it's own devices. The lamb's ear is taking over but other wise it is very balanced and pretty! This is the lavender, coreopsis and in the front citronella geranium in the patio bed.The lavender is gorgeous this year. The bees are thanking me.
Caught this pretty little cone flower in the foreground.
Some of the sunflowers hanging their heads by the pond. So glad I did that this year. Very pretty.
This is the daisies that are taking over the front bed. With some of the black eyed susans and cone flowers. The front needs the most work!

There are tons more flowers but no more room here!

And these silly flowers! I guess we have to call them poolwater lillies. My favorites! I am waiting for them to grow gills this year. They are in the pool so much more than last year. It has been a busy summer. Tonight K. is having some friends over for her birthday. Will be enjoying a visit from my best college friend ever this afternoon, and tomorrow hitting the road to spend the day at the beach and boardwalk in NJ. K. CAN'T wait for this in celebration of her 13th birthday!!!

The cloud is lifting slowly. I am starting to be able to feel the sun on my skin a bit.

"The" queen in our house

Sorry to freak some of you out.

I am ok.

Honest.

Sometimes there are just things that weigh me down and I feel much better when I type it out. That means it gets dumped here. I am if nothing else honest about myself.

But rest assured. I am not jumping off any bridges, running away from home or having an affair anytime soon!!

Now - the topic of today. Queen Nefertiti. "The" queen in our house right now.

http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/nefertiti/nefertiti.html

I have shared before K's obsession with Egypt. This special started last night. She had it on the calander. She reminded herself every day that it was on tonight. They were washed and dressed in jammies, in front of the tv ready to watch it last night. Amazed me. Even C. I a mean we are talking mummified livers and tombs. Dry boring disertation by archeologists. An hour and a half into I had to have them go to bed. Just too late. This morning, TiVo on - they are back at it.....rapt attention. C. "wants to see a mummified liver!" This thing is like 3 hours long! I think it is awesome. Other than C. having to move into the spare room last night to watch the computer screen saver to fall asleep since he was scares. Note to self - no more mummies right before bed.

I love that they are so into it. Sure beats Boomerang!

Know what else I love ? Dear friends that care enough about you to call. :O)

Happy cheerful upbeat post later. Promise.

I will find my way back to myself. Just a detour every now and then. The trick to managing depression is recognizing it, knowing how you yourself deal with it, and coming out on the other side.

I could start a vacation count down!

Not myself

Not sure who I am lately. But it hasn't been me.

I am
unsettled.
emotional.
tearful.
angry.
tired.

It may surprise some of my friends that I do have clinical depression. A tricky tricky thing. So right now I am deciding if all of this is from that. I have my ways of dealing with it, and most of the time do pretty well. But when I can't get my quiet time, and I am not eating right, it tends to sneak up on me. I can't say for sure right now that is what is going on with me. Doesn't feel quite the same. This is not the typical time of year that the depression gets the better of me. Love the "but what do you have to be depressed about?" comments you get. Like I am making a choice to feel this way. It is so hard to put into words.

I feel like something is going to happen. And I am not sure what.

Seriously not taking enough pictures of this summer either!! Spending a lot of time running to the library. K. has discovered Nancy Drew's graphic novels. Loves them. They are huge comic books, but long, and still reading! Running lots of errands. One thing I am noticing without the kids being medicated is a LOT of chatter. Constantly. Comments. Mommy, did you see....Mommy, why is that?....Mommy, didja ever wonder?....CONSTANT.....which most of the time is fine. But when we are running errands and it has been hours on end of chatter, I just have to ask for five minutes of NOTHING...they are behaving...not making a scene or anything but interrupting me and each other, as well as an occasional clerk.....so correcting, redirecting A LOT.....makes me tired by the end of the day. But I love them so much more like this. K. is doing great, and hopefully by school, even better. Not reading as much as I would like, but still reading. C. is still reading a lot even unmedicated. So that is a good sign. Not sure how he will be in school without meds, but we are going to give it a try. TRYING to get them to be a bit more self directed and independant this summer when it comes to cleaning up after themselves and their rooms.

well the dust bunnies call.....this house is a mess......I will post some pictures later....I can't remember what I have taken lately!

The Mermaid Chair

I love going to the library with the kids during the summer. I walk through the isles and see books I have been intending to read for months.

I picked this one up last week, and finished last night. I highly recommend it. Written by the same author of The Secret Life of Bees, which I read and enjoyed last summer.

for some reason, I really connected with this book. Not only is it set on a fictious NC barrier island and thus contains reference to all of that serenity and wildlife which is always cool, the main character is about my age, and the book, you start realize is about her finding her "self" again. I really enjoyed it and there were many passages in the book that I wanted to remember to jot down for future reference but of course the best intentions fall short.

As I lay in bed last night, and I am praying it is not only me that occasionally feels, as the character's husband in the books said, "glossed over". Here but not really seen. Some days I am not even sure if you asked one person that lives with me what I was wearing today they would even be able to tell you. I hate the word unappreciated, because I think those that love me do appreciate the things I do, but it is just that sometimes it seems as though I become just part of the woodwork. I am C and K's mom. I am J's wife. I am so and so's therapist. I am the chauffer. The chef. The maid. The organizer. we just seem to become part of each day, "get through it" and start over the next. Not really noticing or being notices. The word that kept coming to mind last night in bed was a throw back to my Star Trek watching days - assimilated. Like the Borg. All parts (individuals) are assimilated into one large functioning "being" - blended for one purpose. The individuals lose their "selves". In my life, it is the purpose of creating a home for my family, and providing for them, working, and taking care of the house and kids. J and I blend ourselves to function together for this purpose (not necessarily 50/50 - *giggle* but don't tell him that) Perfectly natural and important I believe, but don't each us still need to be true to the person we are? I don't think there is a , what shall we call ourselves, "caregivers"? Stay at home moms? (but not all of us stay at home full time). Wives? Anyway - I hope I am not the only one that occasionally wants to shake things up a bit every now and then. Get noticed. Make myself known. This usually only happens when I have not been getting enough time for my "me" things. Things that I do just for myself. Very important I believe. I guess sometimes this is what some people refer to as their "mid-life crisis" - I can start to understand it now, and how the allure of seemingly more exciting things can be tempting when you are at this age. The exciting, new constantly changing - adding kids , houses, jobs - part of our lives is coming to a close, and things settling into a more routine style. (and no I am not having a mid-life crisis, the book just got me thinking! Well maybe I am , but I don't think so!) People start to look for ways to get some of that excitement back. That new love high. That nervous in your tummy feeling of embarking on something new, like parenthood, or buying a house.

The book was a great reminder to me to try harder to maintain my sense of self. "Treat" myself now and again to something a bit different. Speak up every now and then and make myself be noticed before "I" get lost in it all. Remember what "I" like. I haven't eaten real mexican food in years since no one else in the house likes it. I never get veggie pizza because that is not what everyone else wants. We go to the movies the kids want to see. We eat at the restaurants J. wants to go to. Just because it's easier for me to give in. I have always loved nature, hiking, the woods and walks, and have realized how much I miss a nice camping trip every now and again, since I have let J. convince me I dislike it as much as he does. Not that any of this makes me unhappy, it doesn't. I enjoy the things they enjoy also. But sometimes my sense of blending is much more acute than others. Most of it my fault I am sure for not speaking up more often, but three against one are pretty high odds. I am not sure what the answer for me is. I will find the balance. Always do.

Ah summer

John Lubbock~Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

I worked late on Monday. Stressing about trying to be home as much as possible, worrying about the kids being here. Just feeling very heavy.

As I walked in the kitchen, I heard the sounds coming from the pool. It made me stop and just listen. The sounds of pure laughter and joy. Squeals and giggling. Splashing and dunking. Made me smile, and made my long day seem not so long. Things are ok. Even if I don't feel like they are.

I am so glad we put the pool in last year.

And I am also so glad that I saw my hubby doing this. Which would be "nothing". Very unusual for him. I try to keep telling him that working next to the kids while they are having fun is not "quality" time with them. Too cold for him to be in the pool, but at least he was sitting watching them have fun. Not idle at all. Enjoying. Taking a break. Relaxing.

It's all good.

Family Fun

It started of innocently enough. A game of Clue.
Followed by a nice fun family game of Parcheesi.















When did it go wrong?
I am not sure.















But somewhere along the line I heard, "'scuse me" from the little dude next to me, followed by major groans from around the table. Then, I get up to get dessert ready, and come back to more, shall we say, "odors". Thus began arousing game of "I can beat yours", accompanied by the biggest belly laughs I have heard in a long time. Daddy included in the game as well! Fine example to set!



All I could do was shake my head and wonder, "when did I lose control?". At one point I was laughing so hard I was crying.

I lost it when C. commented - "it's a good thing we are playing Par-CHEESE-i , mom!!"

Gawd I love these kids!

But I think tomorrow night we will be picking a different game!

I will spare you the , ahem, "creative", scrapbook layout titles the family was creating for these pictures! Wonder if I would get published with "fart" in the title?

Great reminder

No pictures with this post. We have been busy - but not taking pictures! I know I know...terrible....but I am joining in, instead of spending all day behind the camera...swimming, biking, hanging out with the kids, working and stressing about them being here when I am not. Still a BIG step for mom. Tried to get to the drive in with them, but it was sold out. Went mini golfing instead.

...snatched this quote off of another blog I read. I thought it was a great reminder for many of us.

Robert Louis Stevenson ~ "The best things in life are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life."

Not that I want everyone to think that I don't think reaching for the stars and setting lofty goals is not a noble pursuit. The point I always try to make is that often time, so many of us are so hung up on the "big" things in life, and reaching for the next big thing, that we forget that there is so much joy and beauty in the every day things that we do. Some of my most peaceful moments, are when I am toiling in the yard, tending the flowers, doing the "chores" the pond requires. Simple mundane every day things. But there is joy and peace there to. I think I have said before, if you had asked me even ten years ago, and certainly 15 years ago, if I ever wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom (which I manage parttime), and enjoy cooking and cleaning, I would have laughed in your face! Then, I couldn't possibly know the pleasure I would find in caring for my home and family. We can find pleasure in the every day if we let it in. Happiness is often an attitude. An attitude of gratitiude can make a world of difference.

Happy day!

Only two weeks...

Only two weeks since I blogged...not long really...in the whole scheme of life....other things haveb been much more important right now.

Robert Updegraff~To get all there is out of living, we must employ our time wisely, never being in too much of a hurry to stop and sip life, but never losing our sense of the enormous value of a minute.
So that is what we have been doing around here - sipping life and not being in a hurry!
School is out. Neither of the kids is medicated for the summer - both doing BEAUTIFALLY might I add. More on K's therapy in a day or two. But it does make for busy days for me as "camp counselor" so to speak - part of the challenge of summer is just keeping some sense of routine and keeping the indians busy.

We too a long weekend to head west - Wellsboro Pa, aka Pa Grand canyon. And as usual, had a fun fun fun time! We rented a camper in the camp ground where one of our best friend's parents owns a lot, so we got to hang out with them also. At the campground they rented these cook "trikes" that the kids just loved. $2 an hour, best money ever spent. we also headed down to the Pine Creek, and the Pine Creek trail. On foot did not get as far as we would have liked, and swore that next year we were bringing the bikes come heck or high water. The kids spent a lot of time skippign rocks int he creek....I am not sure you can appreciate the span of the creek, but I was amazed when K consistently skipped the rocks ALL the way across...easily 40 to 60 ft...this girl has an arm on her!
One of my favorite shots from the weekend....I hung back while we crossed a huge train trestle....those three can melt my heart in a aminute. And J. spending time with the kids is priceless to me,a nd to them. They love when he is with us. Wish he could see that and not work so m uch, but I love him for his dedication to his work as well.
Also loved this one.....purely for Neena and Pappa.....
And this is proof that weeds can be pretty! C. and I picked some of the weeds along the side of one part of the trail. Even weeds have a beauty all their own.
Other than this, we are swimming, doing bible school this week, and just plain old hanging out. Trips to the library....the kids with their noses in a book. K. has discovered graffic Nancy Drew novels...Nancy Drew mysteries that she loves, but in a huge comic book style. Kinds cool. C. is into Animorphs...right up his alley. There was an awesome used book store in Wellsboro, basement level..quaint....really neat funky style...the kids scored a few books for next to nothing...I am thinking we need one of these around here...wonder how one starts that adventure??

So for now - happy summer!

I've been tagged

Been a busy busy week. So much going on, but camera was mia for awhile. Busy weekend. let my self loose Sat nite to have a nice time at the neighbor's house. Wound up having a better time than expected but met some neighbors I hadn't met before, hit it off and that was probably why I had a good time! No camera. Duh. We were supposed to go to fireworks, but J. had to help my BIL with some tables for their welcome home picnic, and he happened to call just as we should have been leaving. I had had enough margarita to know I shouldn't drive myself, so we just stayed home. Then Sunday was my sister's welcome home picnic! SOOOO great to see them home! How sweet it is. I am still praying this year is so much better for them since last. J. and C. were fishing again. Man, that kid could cast without catching for hours. I will post those pictures for Neena real soon! (Hi Neena!) Some great news about K's therapy. Will post more on that later. Right now I have to go drop off J's lunch - yes yes, I do that! better than him eating from the vending machine, and since I didn't get the spinach salad dressing made, I felt responsible for him not taking his own lunch this morning! - and I have been tagged by the loverly Maria! So have to answer this question before I go!

These are the rules.... each player starts with 7 random fact about themselves on their Blog. People who are tagged need to blog 7 facts about themselves and post the rules as well. At the end of the blog list 7 people you are tagging. Let them know that they are tagged by leaving them a comment.

**I LOVE burnt popcorn.

**If anyone ever would have told me 20 years ago, that I would want nothing more than to be a SAHM, cook, clean,a nd take care of my home and flower beds, I would have screamed and run the other way!

**I can sit and eat an entire pint of ice cream, with a spoon, out of the carton , by myself.

** I do the above FAR more often than I care to admit!

**The delphinium in the above picture is in my garden at this moment, and argueably one of my favorite flowers. Also one of the hardest to grow! Very finicky they are, and that is why there is only one in my garden.

** I LOVE olive oil and garlic - add some sundried tomatoes and italian olives and I would probably marry you.

**Ok- that is six - Hmmm...seven.....most people probably know - but I am an identical twin. What most people probably don't know is occasionally my sister and I have telepathy. We know we are on the phone, know when to call when one of us is upset, buy the smae cards for people, finish each others thoughts, start singing a song the other is thinking.......

I am going to be bad and not tag anyone. everyone I read, that actually knows me has been tagged already!

On purpose

Before you say - could she seriously be blogging without a picture?! The answer is yes. And it's ok! Feels mighty wierd, I really use the pictures to trigger my thoughts...but anyway...this past weekend was Relay Weekend - aka The American Cancer Society Relay for Life. This is a 24 hour walking event, where teams are supposed to have someone walking laps on the track for the entire 24 hours. My sister and I have had a team for many many years now. We walk in honor and memory of our mom, and the many other friends and family that we have lost to the damn C- word. Just us really, every year we get a few friends come and go, and this year the kids were really really into it. Last year we wound up being just an online donating team, and the year before my sister's husband was in emergency surgery the morning of the walk, I was home with all the kids and it was pouring down rain. Yes, I made the executive decision to stay home that year! So this was the first in a while that we have been at the track, and the kids couldnt' wait. It was hot hot hot this year, and yes, we set up a tent and I slept in a bag chair on and off Sat nite, BUT it is all about the cause! And all the pictures are in my sister's camera!

I have been thinking a lot lately about "living life on purpose" I am calling it. How do I live my life? One of my patients once made a comment to me about "running along barking with the dogs" - I know Zoey does this all the time. Runs up barking like mad cause she hears the neighborhood dogs barking, meanwhile she has no clue why she is barking or at what but by darn she is going to be with all the other dogs! Do I "run along with the dogs" simply barking along as I am expected to, or do I really know about what I am barking? I can say I used to be much more guilty of this than I have been lately. Simply doing what is expected of me because it is expected. Making decisions based on what I thought others thought I should do or what the "right thing" in everyone else's eyes was to do. That is no way to live. I have met and treated so many people who are just surviving the day to day. No passion in their life, no enjoyment of anything, no purpose to get up in the morning other than to go to work to bring home the paycheck. Sad, so sad. Where is their purpose? Passion in something outside of the everyday is so important to humans.

Everyone should have a passion, do something they love, have something that is important to them, and make it their passion. Live the way they chose to live becauase that is what they want to do , not what is expected. Everyone should have something they believe in, and feel like they make some sort of difference. My sister and I are dedicated to the Relay. We put a lot of time and effort into fundraising, but hosting a super uber fun and cool weekend scrapbook crop. But I can tell you sitting there Saturday watching and listening, there are some that are so much more passionate about it, you feel unworthy! It's wonderful! It gives them joy, satisfaction, and the feeling of making some sort of difference in something that is pretty hard to control. I wondered and presented myself with the question as to why I relay? It is a passion of mine, along with a lot of other things, but I am not nearly as involved as some....then it hit me.....
I relay because I have to. I can't not relay. If I didn't I wouldn't be trying to help. To make a difference. To have hope. To do my small part to try to help survivors and researchers. I can't just sit back and say, "someone else will do it". I can't get my mom back or any of the others that are gone. I can't cure those that fight the fight today, to stay on this earth a bit longer to be with their families, and make their own difference, but I darn well can do SOMETHING - and my something is the relay. For now. As I get older and the kids require less of me, perhaps I will get involved in other ways. When cancer became part of my life, my reaction was to "do" something. I am a do-er. I hate when friends are hurting and there is nothing I can do to help. My mom had walked the survivor lap at the Relay the year before she died, and was so excited about it. Her passion as soon as she was diagnosed was to immediately start educating any woman that would stop to listen about the importance of self exams and mammograms. By darn she was going to make something good come of it all, if nothing else to keep someone else from possibly going through what she was experiencing. So I chose the ACS and believe in their mission. So - I relay. Camp out, walk laps, raise money, and pray that somehow something I did will help someone along the way or help a researcher discover that cure.

If there is one thing I pray my kids learn from me - is not to be victims. To be an active part of the solution - whether we see it in our lifetime or not. To make some sort of difference. To find some wrong they want righted and work to see it happen. To live thier loves on purpose with more of a purpose than getting through the day. I want them to live every day on purpose because they chose to do so.

Just to share

had to share this website I stumbled across from another blog link. I signed up for the daily emails. Great quotes, about GRATITUDE.

http://www.forbetterlife.org/