We don’t need no…..

Education…..

But it turns out , I do!

This is the mission statement of the APTA

Vision 2020

“Physical therapy will be provided by physical therapists who are doctors of physical therapy, recognized by consumers and other health care professionals as the practitioners of choice to whom consumers have direct access for the diagnosis of, interventions for, and prevention of impairments, functional limitations, and disabilities related to movement, function, and health.”

This means by 2020, yes I know it is 9 years away, but they are working toward it yearly, that therapy with be a direct referral practice, meaning I will diagnosing the majority of my patients before the MD sees them, no testing, no preconceived notions. It will be my responsibility, and it is to a degree now, to pick up red flags for more serious problems that could present as pain in a joint, back or limb. Therefore, it requires some further schooling on my part. All therapy grads at present are DPT’s. Doctors of Physical Therapy.  Not a PhD not an MD, a “doctorate level” practitioner.  No one is really sure right now who will be grandfathered past the law, if anyone, or what the decision will be. So I decided, it was time. I always knew I would advance my degree some day. I was the last class at Temple to be able to practice after graduating with a Bachelors degree. Some day I intended to get my masters, perhaps in a specialty and perhaps an APTA specialty certification.

Enter marriage, kids, life and putting everyone else first. I have always all along enjoyed learning new things and challenging myself but never made it back to college. And now, there is no other option than the doctorate. If I already had my masters, I would need to only take two semesters. But since I don’t, it is 3 1/2 semesters.

So, if I start now, I can finish before K graduates high school and we pay for her college! In fact, if all goes well we will “graduate” at the same time. I will also graduate before I am the same age as most of my patient population and I am in Depends!

Forget that the last time I step foot in the academic world, it was 1986, and stirrup pants, tunic tops, and neon, as well as “big” hair were “in” the first time around. I can remember walking into my dorm room the first time like it was just yesterday. You had to access as computer in the “computer lab” and I thought I was the cat’s meow because I had a word processor with a 15 character display so I could fix mistakes before they printed.  There was no such thing as a “power point”, and most professors lectures with slides, laser points and remotes that never seemed to point directly at the slide machine.

Now, this is my “desk” – laptop on the bed, since I can’t concentrate downstairs with everyone up and about……

But let me tell you…..

Man oh  man, is academia different from 21 years ago!! Yes, all my classes are completely online. I do not set foot in a classroom. Thankfully, most topics are based on decision making skills, diagnosing, radiology and pharmacology, so no hands on learning.

Everything is pdf’s and down-loaded power points, which I hear is also the norm in “real time” classes.  No longer after the first day of class, do you trudge over to the Kinko’s to spend another $50 a piece on the syllabus and literature for each class, in addition to the text. Instead you go to Staples and invest a small fortune in printer paper and ink! I wonder if the Kino’s on Broad St is out of business without the college business!

I myself, can not read on the computer screen and retain, I have to print. Highlight. Is there nothing better than a fresh notebook and highlighter pen? Nice pink and yellow lines throughout the text, standing out to you, read me read me! Obtaining the discipline for the reading and posting, and discussion board reading required of two classes, is a HUGE adjustment. I was wondering this week what I got myself into that is for sure. I am a good therapist, I know that, but I fast discovering how much I don’ t know for this direct care model. My apathy toward being “required” to do this, is slowly turning into the realization that it is necessary, my specialty is going in a direction dramatically different from what I trained to do 20 years ago.

I will probably also show my age by most likely purchasing my first pair of “readers”. then again, that may be akin to Sir Fartsalot’s socks and slippers. Not sure I can “go there”

I can keep up with these younger students – Mr. Oh I graduated from XYZ huge university in 2000, and am working in a huge teaching hospital saving the world, with my three specialty certifications….I’ve got 20 years ex-perience baby, beat that!  LOL! He just may, but I will go down fighting!

So if you log on here one day and find pictures of my limp cross eyed body draped over my laptop, in lieu of flowers send, M&M’s and barbeque corn chips (and there is only one person in the world who will get that joke! My bff from college, who sported an awesome assymetrical Cyndi Lauper hair cut when I met her!)

 

There seems to be a trend….

As I was looking for pictures that MUST accompany a blog post, it has become glaringly obvious, that year after year, I seem to take very few pictures in January. It is just so grey, cold, bland and frankly, we are not winter lovers, so we do very little to photograph. I hate the lack of color in the winter, although the tone on tone white can be captivating.  This year, compounded by a pretty emotional month, does not make for wonderful photography moments.

so I took a few the other day, during an ugly ice storm we had . (I wish it would just freakin’ snow a good snow already, get it out of it’s system, instead of this piddly couple inches here and there just enough to make a mess and life annoying….but I digress)

And as I was standing out there freezing my but off trying to be artistic with my shots without going too far out in the rain. I realized how akin to the weather I usually feel this time of year, particularly this year.

Frozen. Cold. Numb.

Depression is a nasty thing. Watching someone you love struggling is even worse. Things with K have really been rough this past week.  I have worked through depression, but not at the age of sixteen.

And this is exactly how she describes herself, cold inside.

Oh honey, I have so been there.

If one more person says, “she seems fine to me.” I may just scream. I am not sure what people expect depression to look like, or figure there must be an easy way to tell. But then again, I digress and will not travel down that road right now. Let me just say plastering on a smile and pretending (you can read my own take on that here)  is a powerful thing. She tries so hard to hide it all, because she knows we love her , knows how she is “supposed”and she doesn’t want us to worry.

Some day soon, this will all melt.

Although appearing to be frozen solid, deep down these plants fight the cold, continue to live, and will one day real soon turn green again, bloom , grow and be enjoyed.

And my prayer is that she will too. She will thaw, warm up, grow, face her challenges and in the end bloom, turn her face to the sun and enjoy life again. 

And just because I have to have some color…..and because I always try to look on the bright side and be grateful……

Sure sign of the end of the storm, is the return of the birds to the feeder.  Glad that it makes me pause, smile and appreciate.

Re-focusing

I have spent the better part of this week – frankly, allowing myself to wallow. Some major things going on with K, and some decisions to be made and such….but there is always something that makes me step back, and while it does not minimize our own struggles, it certainly works to make me realize things could always be worse.

Like this young wife and mother….

http://thesimplewife.typepad.com/

Tweeting about making a fire and filling the house with smoke in the morning, and suffering a life altering stroke in the afternoon. She is now fighting for her life.

and this awesome fabulous wonderful kid -

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/pottsmerc/obituary.aspx?n=joshua-a-gehman&pid=147771554&sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d2e68220728f728%2C0

had to leave us way to early. His parents faced the task this week of burying their child.

one of my best friends mother was diagnosed last week with lung cancer. Just went for a x-ray “just in case” since her dad and sister had been recently diagnosed. And voila, stage 3 lung cancer with node involvement. So my best friend joins a club I would not wish on anyone.

There are always flowers for those who want to see them." Henri Matisse

This has been a difficult faith week. But I totally believe in God’s plan, and the beauty of it. I also totally believe in this Matisse quote. I try very hard to stay positive and look for the positive. This week has been a struggle to do that.

I have learned I need to allow myself the “down” time and to embrace it and let it run it’s course. But I refuse to stay there.

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln

Life has a way of reminding me what is important.  Life can ALWAYS be worse. But even in the “worse” , there is blessing and that needs to be remembered.

New Year……

Seeing that it is January 4, 2011, I figure I better write a New Year’s post!

2010 has been an interesting  amazing and incredible year. I have chosen to dub it

“The Year of Metamorphosis”

The kids have morphed, and along with them it has caused a reactive metamorphosis in me.

See what I mean?? and he is bending over a bit in the second picture!! METAMORPHOSIS baby!!

I know if I look at every year of their lives, I could post pictures of dramatic physical changes. This year, however, watching them both morph into teenagers, is a different experience all together. As much as their have been physical changes, the emotional changes have been greater.

In dealing with K’s depression and making it my own goal to be more at peace with life in general, as well as making time together a big focus of our lives this year, as well as their own growth and maturity, there has been a shift on the dynamics of our house. K alone has caused more ups and downs between pushing us away and at the same time, clinging and drawing us back, it has made our heads spin!

There is a balance of desperately clinging letting go gradually of their physical dependence on me, but also realizing they still need me, just in a different way. 

Giving them some independence and yet, also enjoying and reinforcing the importance of our time together as a family.  Luckily, they are not embarrassed to be seen with us, and I try very hard to maintain enough “cool” without giving up the “mom” as I can.

December 31, 2010

And, yes, to cap off the year, and end it with an exclamation mark, K finally earned the grades she needed and then passed her permit test.

I guess it is a perfect way to sum up the year. And driving with her today for the first time, my brain could not help but draw similarities between teaching her to drive and the changes we have had this year. We are giving her more independence and yet, she still needs us there in the passenger seat, encouraging, guiding, helping – at times, digging our feet into the floor boards, and at times relaxing and enjoying the ride.  She is trying to take control of her wheel but is nervous, unsure and cautious, but at other moments reckless and moving a bit too fast.

Again, this is another stage in life where there is no one that can really tell you what you are going to feel and experience. I thought things would be “so much easier” as they got older. While yes, things may be physically less stressful – no chasing toddlers, sleepless nights, lifting/carrying and temper tantrums right?  Each one is just replaced with a different type of stress, although some are not too far off, sleepless nights of worry, temper tantrums at times for sure, and making sure they are where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there, just involves monitoring rather than carrying now.

I am finally starting to be at peace with where I am as a mom right now, at peace with the changes happening in our home and life, and feeling more comfortable in this new place.It’s been a rough year of change for all of us. I pray we have tackled the worst, and are on the right road. I am looking forward to this coming year, and can’t help but wonder what is in store.