Oh my gosh - I missed my "blog-a-versary" - I only realized it must be a year becuase today is our anniversary and I remember posting about the album I made J. last year. I have been doing this for over a year! I have never stuck with a traditional hand written journal more than a week. I think the pictures help. They just stir more emotion, more memory, more thought. I went back and read a few of last years posts, and it is great to remember some little things that I had forgotten about this or that. And besides keeping in touch with far flung family, this is such a great place to put down toughts!

And on that note - I say - I am outta here! Going scrapping this weekend. The last time out for awhile I am guessing. Also decided to work on C's first year album. I did K's when she was ten, so I figure it is time to do his. Spent over an hour at WalMart last night scanning and printing photos so I had doubles. Yeah, remember when we had regualr film, and forgot where you put the negatives? Life did kinda stink before digital! I also enhanced a ton of the photos....so many were poor and grainy. It makes me smile to look back at those memories. Not as many pictures as I would like. Some memories of that year are not so good. My mom was diagnosed when I was pregnant with C. So those memories are also smattered throughout those pictures, and a lot of that year is a blur. But thankfully, those memories are much more dull than they used to be. I am looking forward to some chill out time, getting no one up and ready but me, no schedule, no clock, no telling anyone else what to do, just being there. Fun!

And look what just showed up at my door! *smile* Along with lots of kisses. I knew the muffin and coffee where coming, since I had called and asked J. if he wanted me to bring him something for break, and he said he was going out anyway and would bring my coffee to me. I kinda figured the WalMart card and roses would follow. God bless him he tries and I love him for it. He is if nothing else predictable after knowing each other for 21 years! Married for 16 of those. Feels good. Sad he couldn't stay but duty calls!

Happy weekend!

A bit of this and that

First - I will just share a bit of spring lovin'! These greeted me this morning when I went out with the trash. Made me smile to see the sun and the color. Finally, spring is here and the flowers and birds are having a party. There were no less than 6 or 7 species of birds at the feeder this morning.

Perceptions. That is what comes to mind when I loaded this picture. When I looked out the kitchen window while making dinner, and saw these two laying in the grass like that, I grabbed the camera and ran out expecting to capture a beautiful "laying in the grass in the spring looking at the clouds in the sky" moment between father and daughter. instead, as I get closer and can hear what is going on, I can hear a pretty intense conversation going on. Funny how we can't see that from the distance and my perception of the moment was totally wrong. I am grateful to no end, that hanging out made K. feel comfortable enough to start to open up a bit and we got to the bottom, after a few hours of tears and conversation, of some of her reservations abut her therapy. I won't say "all better" now - but she had fun there last night and did awesome! She is really coming along. Got a B on her "pop" quiz in math last week, and we are anxiously awaiting a social studies test. Her hardest subject. The problem being now she thinks since she seems to be doing better, she can quit now. But we worked it all out. Now that I look back at this picture I get a mixture of emotions. I would for it to have been a more simple moment between father and daughter. A laying in the sun memory for both of them. They had just finished throwing the football around. But am also grateful that they were talking.

Perception - how we see a situation, and skewed by hundreds of life experiences and filters.

So perceptions can be deceiving. Reminds me in life, that our perceptions of a situation are often wrong. I often make snap decisions from my gut based on what I "think" is going on. I am a "fixer" - "make it all better right away" type. I have also been judged by what people have "thought" was going on based on what they percieved as true. This reminds me perhaps that I need to get a little closer to the situation before I can truly know what is going on. But I also accept the fact that I am an honest truthful person who doesn't believe in letting things go and I often just react to the moment. I am trying to find a balance and will probably succeed in my 80's or so!

Funny how one simple picture makes me think of all these things?

And had to finish with one darn happy dog. Can you just see her smiling?

she just finished chasing the football with the kids and J. ,flopped down next to her "people" in the grass, and was just happy as a clam in mud. She really is a great dog.

Happy Busy weekend

Busy busy weekend this weekend. Happy fun busy, but busy none the less. The weather is FINALLY warm and gorgeous! Just what the doctor ordered for all of us. So the kids begged and gave in to our first fire of the season Friday night. S'mores, s'mores and more s'mores. There is nothing like a nice warm crackly fire just at dusk.

K. spent the day Saturday in the Red Cross babysitting course at church. So I took the chance to take a stamping class. Fun!
Then Saturday evening we spent 3 more hours at church for the God's Amazing Kids CLub Pinewood Derby. C. was very proud of his car. Other than a bit of help with the saw and the lettering by me, he did this all himself. He came in fourth in his age group. Not one of the "big" trophies, but they made sure everyone had a trophy.



I will tell you. We got the yard cleaned up. The pond waterfall fixed up and pond running. The fish are so happy to be able to see through the water again! I hung laundry and power washed all of the porch furniture and decks. And you know what!? I am feeling it! After weeding and cleaning up the flower beds Friday night, I was so sore saturday morning I could barely move! I also took a walk with a friend Thursday (Hi!) and could not believe how winded and tired I was! The old body is just not recovering from winter as fast as it used to! I could always say even if I am heavy I have always been able to be physically active and could walk and work without too much trouble. What is happening?? The fact that I did not move much at all this winter, and the down slide of my weight and overall health has directly coordinated with getting the laptop. Hmmm......can't be letting that happen. Oh I can vow to get healthy again. I can publically announce that everyone has to help me be accountable and get myself back in shape. But it hasn't worked before. So it is up to me and only me. No more promises, no more "This time I am gonning to". Just going to do the best I can. Tennis this afternoon it is!

Keeping it Real

I am a self professed internet addict. As a previously self professed trivia/information addict, the two go hand in hand. Love that I can read about things I never would have seen before, and link from one thing to the next and wind up reading interesting life stories, stories from different continents, and yes, the occasional hilariously inappropriate and politically incorrect Utube video. I also read a lot of blogs. A wee little peek into someone else's life. I have link to a lot from other blogs, and often do not even know the person I am reading, or their situation. One thing that is driving me nuts lately seems to be this theme of being totally and artifically in *love* (and yes it has to have the little astericks around it) with everything and everyone. I *love* my life, I *love* my perfect never do anything wrong kids, I *love* my car, I *love* my perfect husband, I *love* my job, you get the idea. I sit and wait for the person to maybe say she also produces $100 bills from her rear end on a daily basis. While I have admitted many times in this very place, that I am happy and content with my life, warts and all, I like to think I try not to make it all sound perfect and unreal. One thing I promised myself when I started blogging was to "keep it real". I want to look back, and maybe the kids look back some day, and really be able to see what was honestly going on in our lives at the moment. I often have to shake myself when I am reading those blogs, cause I start to think, what the hell am I doing wrong??

Why has these ladies *perfect* lives been bugging me this week, I am not sure. Could it be becasue mine has been particularly challenging this week? No one ever told me parently was going to be this hard. Tuesday we headed off to biofeedback like we have twice a week for the last nearly 6 weeks now, but this week, halfway there, K. starts getting hysterical and telling that she is quitting, and not going back and I can't make her, crying and sobbing. Woah!! Back up a minute. What? Try as I could I could not get her to share with me why, other than that she hated it, which I know is not true, she has been having fun with it so far. 90 min later withhelp from the therapist, we determine that she was getting picked on that day about having ADD, and being stupid and getting bad grades. Not new, but upsetting to be anyway.....every rationalization I had didnt' work.......so we come to also discover that she has been told frequently by her friends int he past week that she has been "too calm" - now I got angry, cause said "Friends" were also some of the firstt to point out to her and complain when she was too hyper. So she started to freak out that this was changing her and she didnt' want to change, etc. She also shared that she tried to tell her friends what the therapy was and did, and they didn't understand. So their reaction? "That's stupid" - so of course wanting her friend's approval, K. immediately adopted the same thought. I am a "fixer" , and trying very hard at this point not to get hysterical on her. That is when the therapist pointed out to me, that she needed me to listen at that moment, rather than "fix" it, and I was rationalizing with an irrational person. And then went on to say, that he could see some of the things that K. was saying were painful for me and maybe I would benefit of talking to a therapist myself. He was actually the first person in a long to time to simply ask how "I" was doing. Honestly wanted to know. Not just make conversation. I am not too vain to admit, I carry rather large luggage with me, and would benefit from talking to someone I am sure, especially if it will help me know who to work with my kids better. It was a rather emotional night, for both of us, and for me lasted into the next day. As a parent, and being able to offer my kids more than my parents had to offer me, you think they won't have to deal with some of the same things you did. But you come to realize, you can't protect them from the viciousness that can be in thier peers. A nicer house, and better clothes than I had as a kid can't protect them from that. I hurt so bad for her that night. And could I chose not to journal this part of our day adn life, and 20 years from now figure we may both forget. But I don't want to do that, the reality being that neither of us will forget and she will most likely carry the pain with her as I do, even though I thought I hadn't. So she can look back and read how I felt about it, and I loved her enough to hurt for her, and she can realize too that it will most likely happen to her children as well, and hopefully I can be an example to her of what to do or not to do and say.

The good news is when things settled down, that getting an A in math the other day felt much better than being frustrated and angry at the C or D she got even after studying, and understands that the therapy is helping. We talked about not sharing with anyone where she is going and what she is doing. she is so kind and sweet, she didn't realize that someone could turn this positive thing into negative,and now I think she has learned to be a bit more cautious who she shares things with. So all is again well on the western front......

That is real life. Not some glossed over version of a pseudofairytale that I want to delude myself into believing.

What else can we do?

In light of what has happened at Virginia Tech yesterday - this verse struck me. It was on a nother blog I was reading.

A thought for today: Prov 3: 5-8 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil!

Evil exists in this world. Unfortunately , one of the most wonderful things that our loving creative God gave us all, was free will. Free will to love Him, or turn from Him. Free will to good, or bad. This does not mean He does not love us, or turns his back when we make those bad choices, or are the victim of someone else's bad choice. Instead, if we have made a bad choice, He forgives and gives us another chance. When we are hurting, be it from a concenquence of one of our own choices, or as a consequence of someone else's bad choice, He sits next to us, waiting for us to give our pain to Him, so he can take it away. Sometimes we give it to Him, sometimes we don't. He allows us to be human, feel human feelings, and hurts. He also allows us joy, happiness, and love.

My prayer today is that everyone who lost a love one yesterday, can rely on God, give Him their pain, and find joy again some day. Not the easiest thing they will ever do. But the beauty of it, is that God has eternity to wait.

Life is short. Every day counts. We all need to make every day count. Chose to forgive today, life's to short for anger. Give something painful back to God today, life is too short for unecessary pain. Thank God for someone you love being in your life today, life is too short not to appreciate what we have. And most important, tell that someone. Over and over and over again, and when you think they have heard it enough, tell them again.

Alright alright alright...

I'll post already! Just when I was thinking to myself - that no one seems to have noticed I haven't updated for awhile, four seperate people who do not know each other at all, commented on when I was going to update,...so here goes.....warning.....this may be a long one, but you asked for it! (and you know who "you" are!)

We spent a great easter weekend with my brother and his family and Jim's parent's (Hi Neena and Pappa!) So our place was hopping for a week. Then - a week for me to recover! (But you all know I love having company and feeding and fussing) Not as many pictures - in fact you are looking at pretty much every one. The camera has been acting up. We are PRAYING it is just the need for new rechargeables.

And then you say to yourself - what on earth is that man doing with that thing on his head? No - J. has not taken up coal mining. Our yearly tradition, now that the kids are older and "too mature" for the traditional plastic eggs thrown into the backyard egg hunt, is a night time flashlight egg hunt. We do it usually when my brother and his family is here, and I must say, the kids love it! It was FREEZING this year, but that did not stop them. Even my 16 year old nephew, whom I was sure would be too cool to participate, was right in there (now had there been a friend or girlfriend present I am sure his demeanor would be different but I love that he was willing to let his "teenage coolness" drop for the night and have a blast! That is what it is all about. They grow up too soon, too fast and forget to stop and have fun once in awhile. So J. heads out, with the other men of the households to hide the eggs, while the kids impatiently wait inside for the "ready, set, go" - flashlights bobbing, and laughter and squeals heard all around the house, brings tears to my eyes. I pray some day we will be doing the same thing for our grandchildren, right here at the house. So fun to see them give each other hints when they found their quota, than come in the house to count, barter and trade what is in their eggs - everything from candy, to erasers, money and slips for pencils etc.

The kids, once again, couldn't wait to color eggs. They love mixing the colors, and making different designs. I am waiting for this to also be a thing of the past but so far so good. They did seem to forget about looking for them in the morning, so I think the "easter bunny" may have made his last official stop here. They have always been creative beings - coloring since they could hold crayons, and gluing, painting, crafting ....

K's art teacher promised to show her before the end of school, how to draw people. She has been drawing a lot of horizon scapes lately to practice her new technique for drawing clouds. Love it!

C. continues to design hover cars/boards and the such our of any cardboard he can get his hands on. Constantly telling me how he would change or improve all kinds of things we see. Love it!

But the true hero of the day was Neena and Pappa who got the kids new fishing rods! So guess where they were for the next two days, every spare moment? Outside with hat and gloves on practicing casting in the back yard! I couldn't get them in. C. and J. had to make a WalMart run Easter night for weights and bait. Like there was some remote possiblity of actually really fishing with in the next week!? Neena also brought a new blanket for each of them, which I will say has been wrapped around them in front of the tv, or in bed with them every night since.

Everyone has also been asking about K's therapy. Thank you all who continue to pray for us. I am hopefully going to remember to take the camera to our appointment tomorrow and take a photo of her with her EEG cap on, then I can include a picture with a post about her progress. We are about 6 weeks in, seeing steady progress on the numbers on the biofeedback and some behavior changes in real life. Slight but there. We are trying not to look to hard or be too nit picky over every thing she does and says, we will see it when we are meant to see it. I have now met a number of people , outside of the therapist's office, that have known someone or been through the therapy and were very pleased with the results. Praise God, may we be that successful also. I am trying very hard not to be TOO excited about a good Social Studies test two weeks ago, and an excellent math test she got back today! So this is still taking up A LOT of our time. Plus just scheduling my schedule at work around the hours we have to be there, and the travel time, along with homework ,church activitities, the usual miriad of family appts, the holiday and bowling...we have been pretty scarce!

Um - let's see what else.....C. had a bowling tournament on Saturday. He made it through the first cut, but not the second. This was a tough one, 16 down to 8 to go on to the semi-finals. I was just proud of his effort. My niece, S - Yeah S! - did however get to come back for the semi's on Sunday - but was eliminated from the final round. This is still awesome for her since she just started this year! We had our bowling banquet - K. had the highest girl average in the Jrs, and C. had the most improved average of the year. They truly love doing this, and I hope they stick with it. I would sit in a dark alley, on a cold bench , or in a humid indoor swimming pool all day if I knew they were enjoying themselves and having fun. I will say though, the back of a bowling alley does provide soem pretty interesting people watching. Boy oh boy. All I can say, is yes, it does take all types to make the world go round. :::grin::: Redneck jokes abound, and I am one, so I can say it!

So I guess I am pretty much caught up for now. I looked back over last year, just a few days ago, and realized how much I am glad that I started to blog. I remember pictures I had forgotten I had taken as well as the stories to go with them. So I am going to keep it up. I am much better and writing when there is a picture involved than just picking up a pen and writing in a blank journal. The pictures trigger so many more thoughts and emotions. I also seem to be better and typing than writing, and tend to get much more detailed here than on paper, which is a plus. I am sure I will look back and read some of what I wrote and wonder why I am such a dork, but I embrace my dorkness, the humor I probably exclusively see, and just be me.

The essence of it all

Thankfully - my God loved me enough to do this.

Humans are not perfect. I am as human as they come.

As much as we try our best to be the best we can be, most times we fall short.

He loved me enough to know that.

All He wants is our love. For us to make a choice to give it to Him. And when we do, a new life is open to us. Changes happen inside that may not even realize but hopefully do. We chose to live the best life we can.

Knowing my God loves me, forgives me, yet expects that I try to follow His simple rules. As any loving parent does. It gives me hope that I otherwise can not imagine living without. What would be the purpose of what happens here on earth if I did not know that there is a reason and purpose to it all that I may not understand but is for "the good of those who love Him"? Sometimes he allows us to experience the natural earthly consequences of our human choices and decisions. Sometimes he chooses to use us to bless others, or them to bless us. Sometimes are eyes are wide open and can see the blesssings, sometimes they are not. I am not random occurance of nature. I am a child of God. And for that I am forever grateful. I know I fall short daily - and don't even come close to deserving His forgiveness. Yet He gives it. I am thankful for the hope He gaves us with the cross. My eternal life will but this one to shame.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”- Galatians 2:20

Easter Blessings to all.

He is Risen!

He is risen indeed!

This .....

Makes me happy.

They greet me every day on the kitchen window sill.

The kids made them. ALL BY THEMSELVES. Hot glue and all. True testament that they are growing so big.

Cute reminders of spring. Happy faces smiling back at me.....

Reminders that...

"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances." - Benjamin Franklin

I have a choice to make every morning. I can chose to be happy, or I can chose to wallow. Needed a reminder of this this morning. Some negative energy going on last night, kept me awake most of the night. This morning - I chose to let it go. Because these little dudes made me smile. This is what matters. My creative happy children who make things that make me smile.

Happy busy-ness going on right now. My brother and his family are visiting from NC. Always love that! J's parent's arrive tomorrow, always love that! Kids home from school the rest of the week. Always love that! I forgot their medicine this morning - been a busy happy chatty active day. Made for an interesting trip to the grocery store. They are not naughty, but a lot of interrupting me, and each other, talking to me all at the same time, singing and dancing around the isle, a lot of my redirection and attention to whether or not they were in someone's way. But at the same time, they are more than happy to help me, push the cart, get what I need from the shelves, all with a happy smile. But the looks we get. *sigh* I guess they are a bit louder than the average child, but pleasant and happy. And that makes me smile. Also makes for terrific chatty car rides - sometimes I wish they could be unmedicated all the time, but do understand it is difficult for them to focus and learn when they are not medicated, and that is an important part of life too. So for now I just enjoy them as I can.

Need to write about K's therapy. No time now. So much going on. So for now - Happy April. Happy Spring!

Chose to be happy today no matter what. Find something that brings a smile to your face and put it somewhere you will see it daily, then smile when you see it. I find that always helps no matter what.