Bad bad blogger

I have been a bad bad blogger.

Sorry.

Crop for a Cure is behind us for this year.

Recovered yesterday and still a bit this morning.

My heart is heavy for a variety of reasons.

A few friends are hurting.

K. is struggling in school.

Just stuff.

So not feeling very inspirational today. But I still took a minute to stop when I was hanging some laundry this morning and just listen to the birds, enjoy the cool breeze on my face and remember even though I may be feeling heavy these few days - life is still good.

PS This is the picture that I was looking for on my birthday. This is my sister and I , not sure exactly how old we were. We were both finally home, so had to be about 2 or 3 months old. All I do know is that those are newborn size jammies, and see how long those legs are? We were
ti-ny. So since I didn't have any other pictures uploaded to share, thought I would share that one.

I will return when I am feeling a bit lighter!

Me - circa 1985?

This is me and my senior high color guard outfit. The picture does not do it justice! The tassle on the zipper, the gloves, cording on the sleeves, braid on the hat. LOL! The buffalo hat blends in with the uniform. I couldnt' find one of Jr Hi, and will still find one with the hat on! K. thought the boots rocked!

Check out those legs!

Oh to have a waist that small again!

I came across a TON more pictures I am dying to post. J. and I dating. Our first apt. College. Baby pics. It was a true walk down memory lane last night.

47th "Original" Calvalcade of Bands

And we were there!

Boyertown Tradition.

Calvalcade of Bands.

Boyertown Senior High once again proved why they are the gold standard for field performance marching bands. They ROCKED. They are just so "crisp" - is the only word that comes to mind. At one point in the show - bucked all tradition, removed their hats, sporting rainbow colored "do rags" and SANG! It really was awesome to see.

K. is in the bandfront. Flag, or "silks" as they are now. And, far to many years than I care to remember ago - so was I! Same field, same stadium. Some of the best fun I had in school. I am so proud of her. She enjoyed herself and did very well. I got so teared up dropping her off at the band room, watching her run up to one of the other colorguard, clasp hands, giggle and jump up and down. The experiences are going to be so good for her. If I was a wonderful blogger - I would have dug up an old picture of me in my uniform. But I am not that good. I'll find one, soon, promise. I tried to explain to the girls that we did not get to wear such nice unforms. I am talking Fred Flintstone Buffalo Lodge hats. They were not convinced. So I must dig up the photos. K. was of course totally THRILLED to be wearing sequins. She was wishing she could wear it to school. The girl has never been afraid to stand out.

As I said before when I watched her practicing. It was a very serendipity experience to see her doing what I did, on the same field in the same calvalcade. The coolest part is that it was totally her choice. I feel so blessed to be raising my kids were I was raised. I know we tease about the boondocks, and lack of civilization - but this area is a great area for raising our kids. Now I am the "parent in the stand" - I will however resist the urge to buy mom jeans, and a hoodie.

Just for laughs

Just for laughs - thought I would share this.

How "Redneck" are you?

It's just stupid funny.

**Here is my score -
Congratulations, Your score is 10 out of 15
"You scored well this means you are one of 3 things. 1) You are exceptionally bright. 2) You used to be a redneck but have moved out of the south and are in remission. 3) You are a redneck but trying ot hide it."

Enjoy!

http://www.quizarama.com/areyouaredneck.php

Creating the Good life

"Creating the Good Life"

This phrase popped out at me this morning while reading a few of my favorite blogs.

For some reason - it has stuck with me - and rolled around in my head all day - simply because I am saying to myself , is that how easy it is? Just create it myself?

How much of the capacity we have to enjoy and find pleasure in our loves is based on what happens to us and how much is based on what we take it in and how we respond to it?
Explains how people who should seemingly be "wallowing in self pity" - the less fortunate and down trodden - are often the most joyful, faithful and happy folks. Is it that they are willing to accept and make the best of what they are given? Sometimes I think those of us, which happens to be the majority of the modern US, that have been blessed so much on a daily basis beyond the basic necessities of life, that we start to feel entitled to these blessings, and begin the delusion that life "should" be easy, and begin to wonder why God is "picking on us" so to speak by creating upheaval and challenges in our well organized little worlds. For many there is such a long way to fall to true despair and heartache. Life is challenging. Period. No mincing words. Every day that I get up, I make a choice. Do I chose to perseverate on what is "wrong"? - and in wrong I mean, just not as I want it right now, not necessarily what is truly "wrong" in my world. Or do I get up, face it all head on with a smile, and remember all the other things that are blessing me at the moment. In our pursuit of the "consummate happy life", I think as humans we forget to simply stop and live now, with what we are given in the best way we know how. In that, I think we can create a good life.

Now - do I mean that this should mean that we should all simply settle for what is going on in our worlds and have no desire to change or grow in it? Nope. Not at all. I simply mean that we need to find a way to be happy with what we have been given, while learning, growing, and taking on new challenges that will improve ourselves and lives in a positive way. Some people do not have the means at the present time to improve themselves or their situation. So is the answer simply sitting back, throwing up your hands and pitying yourself? I don't think so. I think we are not truly given more until God is satisfied that we have learned how to live happily with what we are given.

I used to be very restless as a young mother, because I was constantly fed this ideal that I should want more out of my life than simply living to love my children, take care of my home and enjoy the every day. What was wrong with me for not wanting to run the world or my own company?? I was perfectly happy working only enough to pay the bills, and possess the things we simply needed in life. I was supposed to want more wasn't I? Because of the way I was looking at my life, and allowing other influences to change my views, I had lost my joy. When I finally realized that this WAS my Sweet Spot , even if it wasn't the spot that I thought I was supposed to want, I found myself so much happier. Don't get me wrong, I love and enjoy my outside job as well, but have no desire to do any more than I do. God has blessed me with a job that I am well suited for and find great pleasure in, but that does not replace the fact that I am happier, more at peace and content in my own home surrounded by the people and things that I love. But until I allowed myself to believe that it was ok, I was missing out on it.

Sure my dream car may be a '68 Mustang convertable in Cherry red that I dream of driving fast with the top down, feeling the wind whistle in my ears while I take in the California beach scenery. Will I ever experience that? Maybe, maybe not. So what do I do in the meantime? Kick the tires of my Ford and grumble every time I get in? Nope. I roll down the windows, play the music loud and sing along making the time I spend in the car as pleasurable as possible.

So I guess I answer my own question. Yes, I think we can create the good life out of what ever we are given. It is just in the way you look at it.

Just Hi

Just Hi.

Not much to day this week.

Well - intestinal stories, food frustrations, and the like but I figured I would spare you those for now.

Thought I would share this - this would be "Box Boy". Which C. has decided will be his Halloween costume. Boxes, I tell you, he loves them. He is presently deciding whether or not to cover this box in duct tape!

K. wants to be Cleopatra. I am trying to figure that one out. She has been fascinated by Egypt and mummies lately, so her costume choice doesn't surprise me. I guess I would much rather she decide Cleopatra is "cool" , then Brittany or any of the other inappropriate icons of this day and age.



I will say that I am feeling better. Most of the pain is gone. Which is a blessing. Right now trying to increase what I am eating and not over analyze every pain. But improving. I have not had coffee in almost two weeks! Man - I am so ready to be back to normal. Besides I have two birthday dinners waiting for me!! I will expound on my observations of how food controls our lives , but another day!

Happy Birthday....

...to me. 38 years ago today all 4 lbs of me came into this world 8 weeks early! Imagine that.

This is a big step for me.

I am not good at acknowledging my birthday.

Not that I truly care about the number, but I am very uncomfortable with well wishes and people fussing over me. I am not very good at remembering my friend's birthdays and hate when they remember mine after I forgot theirs!

Got these from J.. He said my gift was dinner out but since I am not up to that at the moment he'll "owe me one" - pfft. I can't really remember the last time I got an actual gift that I had to open on my birthday. (Although I do have a wonderful friend who went out of her way to bring me a gift this morning. Made my day!) At least he remembered to stop and pick up the roses on his way into WalMart when he stopped for a few things I needed. Love you honey. You know I am just teasing. J. is not known for planning ahead for special occasions, so it is a nice joke between us. That is what 15 years of marriage will do to you. It has become one of the special things I love about him. He remembered to wish me happy birthday and gave me a birthday kiss before he left this morning. So he didn't forget. What more can a girl ask for?

I will also say Happy Birthday to my dear Sis! One great thing about being a twin - at least I never forget her birthday! We did the old "beat each other to the call" game this morning. I called first, but she started to sing first. My grandmother woke both of us this morning, calling to sing. As corney as it is, it has become a tradition. My mom used to always call and sing on our birthday, then invite us over for our special birthday roast beef with wine gravy. Yummo. Miss that. The first few years after she was gone, all of us sort of let the singing thing slide, but I am happy that we are better now and doing it again. It is very special.

This birthday wasn't really going to bother me but my grandmother also had to take great pleasure in informing me that I was now half her age - the same age she was when I was born.
Ouch.
Man.
Made me ponder a bit. When she was my age, she was already a grandmother. Could I even wrap my mind around the idea of being a grandmother right now?
You see my mom was 16 when my sister and I were born.
Twins.
16 years old.
8 weeks premature. My grandmother said she used to drop her off at the hospital in the morning, and my dad would pick her up on the way home. She spent every day at the hospital until we came home. Sis first, then me. Yet, she never shared that with us. Never told me. I never thought to ask.
Also made me think - when my mom was my age - I was 22. Graduating college, and planning my wedding. My sister was married, and had just made my mom a grandmother!
Wow. I am my age with a 12 year old and some days can't handle it.
There is so much I wish I could ask her now. I was 29 when she passed away with only toddlers at home. I didn't realize there was stuff I was going to want to know. Those conversations are gone. Never to be had. We didn't have the sort of conversations then that I know we would have now. Not so much that she would give me worldly advice, but I am just curious. Plus I am sure she would throw in a few "when you were her age" comments that I would love to know now.

Yet I can't be sad about it. If she hadn't had us so young, I wouldn't have had the 29 years I did with her. God's plan I have to believe. Had she "done it the right way" , I may have only been a teenager when she passed away. She got to meet all of her grandchildren before she passed. She didn't get to be the grandmother she wanted to be, but she met them, and will meet them again some day. Each year also brings me one year closer to being her age when she passed away, but I can't let my mind go there. But it has made me realize I need to celebrate and thank God for the gift of another year here on this earth. Each of us should!

So 38 years later I think I turned out ok.

Untitled

Couldn't think of one darn clever thing to title this post. So - untitled suits.

Been an interesting weekend.

Saturday I saw this beautiful creature dance down the sidewalk.... yup - dance. I glanced up and caught him. (he and his friends were washing their bikes - so he got out the umbrella and put his suit on)

God I love my children.
I can always count on them for an unexpected laugh or just a smile.

I found a quote this weekend that I must use on a layout of K. Something like - "If you are in need of a smile, I can give you one of mine." Ever since the orthodontist told her, she "has one big smile" the thought has never left me.

Anyway - needed the smiles this weekend. Seems I have diverticulitis. An older person's disease. One of the lucky few that get it under the age of 60. yup - an actual disease. This flare up will go away, hopefully, without surgery, but this is really the first "disease" that I will have, forever. To say it kicked my butt is an understatement. Pain. Pain. Pain. Had my first experience with the use of the word "stat" by my name. Funny how it is a word in my profession I have heard millions of times, but when used with your own name takes on a whole new context. Those of you that know me well, know I do not to "rest" very well. I am a mover, doer, taker -care- of -er. J. knew I was sick when I had no problem at all sitting. I am not sure he really knows what to do. It is a line he walks. He knows I don't like to be doted on, but do like a bit of pampering and extra affection. He is never quite sure what to do or say.

Feeling better every day. Shocked the doctor by not winding up in the ER over the weekend. Saw him Friday and apparently he figured I would be there before he could follow up with me Monday. Ha! He doesn't know who he is dealing with here!

This is a wake up call though. I need to take better care of myself. A healthy diet will help ensure that this will not flare up again. It did make me realize very quickly, I need to take better care of me. I can't take care of everyone else if I am sick. I don't scare easy - this scared me. Just a little nudge from the man in charge. A few extra prayers wouldn't hurt. But God also gave me my family, children and good friends to cheer me up when I need it. For that I say Thank you!

What's going on around here

So - this is what has been going on around here.

Homework.

Yes. School is back in session.

We have only had minor issues so far.

I got the warm and fuzzies tonight sitting here at the table, helping K. while Daddy helped C. His work consisted of making his spelling words out of cut out magazine or newspaper letters. So- they made a deal. C. told Daddy which letters he needed and Daddy cut them. Went much better. You see - Chris get overwhelmed when a project looks too big. I hear it is a common ADD thing. When he saw tonight's assignment he nearly freaked, then froze. Insisted he can't go it. So then we set about figuring out a way to make it seem a bit less daunting. Turned out to be a lot more fun than C. expected. Right now he is cutting his name out for the top of the page. I was helping K. make review cards for a science quiz. We were all here around the table. Rain outside. warm in here. Lots of chatting and laughing go on. A good moment.

Nice considering what we have been through with homework in the past. (I can't say the crying fits are gone but they are certainly less frequent - not tears of refusal but tears of frustration about not being able to do their work. ) I have to say, with the challenges that each of the kids face at school every day, they keep on truckin'. Every night - pretty much without complaint they each get up when they finish dinner and get their materials and get started without being told. C. usually needs some encouragement with deciding what to do first, and motivation that he is able to complete in all in less than "forever", as he insists everything will take forever. With all the challenge they face each day just to take in the information they should know, and the number of times they have fallen short of an expectation or been told they aren't trying hard enough, they could both hate school, fight about doing their homework and be miserable. But they don't. K. struggles to read, but will still tell you it is one of her favorite things to do. They give their best effort. It makes me so proud of them. Perserverence. No truer definition.

K. has been having some anxiety issues crop up in the mornings, - stomach aches and tears. I hate those mornings. I have to be so firm and send my crying daughter out the door. I know if I give in and let her stay home once, I just set a precident for it to be ok. She tells me , school is going fine and once she gets into her first period she feels better. For her it is more the anticipation of something being hard, or something happening. Breaks my heart. Yet, I know - the struggles will help her grow. So - in the meantime - we do deep breathing, we talk about relaxing, we encourage, and we pray. I hate that so many of these things are out of my hands. My prayers are just for God to help me know who to help each of them best so that they can be all that He wants them to be , and be happy in their adult worlds.

Here I go again

Country Lyrics.

Speak to me.

This is an awesome new song by Lindsey Haun from the movie Broken Bridges. Just sitting here watching the video and had to get this off my chest.

I highlighted the verses that really spoke to me.
As many of you know, in the past few months some pretty horrible events have ripped at my heart and the heart of someone I love dearly. I truly feared we may not recover from this one. But you know what? We can see some good! Some good is coming out of it! Help and things that I don't think we would have ever seen or received had it not been for the events that happened. There is still a long road ahead. but when you believe that "every piece will find it's place" somehow we can continue on the path that is given us.

Now so you all don't think I am constantly so serious and morose, I am blaring YeeHaw right now because that songs speaks to me in a different way!
Broken

Wake up to a sunny day
not a cloud up in the sky,
then it starts to rain
My defenses hit the ground,
And they shatter all around.

So open and exposed.
I found strength in the struggle.
Face to face with my trouble.

Chorus When you're broken in a million little pieces
and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in your self.
When you're broken. Little girl don't be so blue,
I know what you're goin through. Don't let it beat you up.

Heaven knows that getting scars only makes you who you are...
only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching,
there is beauty in the breaking....yeeeaaaahhh

Chorus When you're broken in a million little pieces
and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason.
Don't you stop believing in yourself.

When you're broken.

Bridge Better days are gonna find you once again every piece will find its place!

Chorus When you're broken in a million little pieces
and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore.
Every tear falls down for a reason.
don't you stop believin in your self
When you're broken.

What a relief

Man - after all these years with the condition

It is such a relief to finally discover their is a diagnosis

No cure that I am aware of

But we will keep searching

My condition - logorrhea

log'or'rhe'a/ Pronunciation Key [law-guh-ree-uh, log-uh-] –noun
1.
pathologically incoherent, repetitious speech.
2.
incessant or compulsive talkativeness; wearisome volubility.

Wheew. That is a load off my mind.

(saw it on a coffee mug at Starbucks, I am sure the kid behind the counter was wondering what the heck I was laughing about!)

[Origin: 1900–05; logo- + -rrhea]

Good Morning!

This site greated me when I woke up this morning!

I got all warm and fuzzy, thinking that K. had put it there for me to find this morning to make me smile.

So - I go to her and tell her I found something she left on my bed.

She proceeds to ask me if it scared me.

Huh?

Turns out she snuck out of bed last night, wrapped it around the end of the bed pointing toward the door, so that when J. and I came to bed last night it would be the first thing we saw and it would scare us!

She has been spending TOO much time with Daddy.

Well - I didnt' have the heart to tell her that Daddy and I dont' really turn the lights on when we come up to bed. I saw that something was on the bed, but figured it was a piece of clothing that J. had thrown there. So, I barely noticed.

So - I told her no, it didn't scare me, it made me smile because I thought you out it there to cheer up my day. I said nothing that happy looking could scare me! She just smiled.

I left it there. Reminds me that she did think of us, even if it was to try to scare us! Plus, it does make me smile!

I promised pictures

BB dude!

He is adorable in those goggles.

Every boy's right of passage I am told.

Not sure I agree. But he likes it and sticks to the rules!

Of course, when C. came in to take a break, who did I find out there popping off a few?

Yup. J.

Little boys never truly grow up do they?

Ten excuses

Ten Excuses for not blogging for nearly a week:

1. It was the first week of school , man.

2. I had a cold.

3. Jim had a cold.

4. We went to see Pirates of the Carribean 2.

5. There hasn't been anything special going on around here. Pictures of laundry aren't very exciting.

6. I am working like a lot on Crop for a Cure planning.

7. It was yucky rainy miserable.

8. I am out of coffee.

9. I am out of things to say.

10. Colored cheerios are just not right.

Told you I ran out of things to say!! I will take some pictures today and post soon! Promise. Although, youth group starts this week. Bowling starts saturday. Although - if you believe it or not - there is nothing on the calander for next weekend! Could we possibly go hiking!?

9.