Happy Birthday....

...to me. 38 years ago today all 4 lbs of me came into this world 8 weeks early! Imagine that.

This is a big step for me.

I am not good at acknowledging my birthday.

Not that I truly care about the number, but I am very uncomfortable with well wishes and people fussing over me. I am not very good at remembering my friend's birthdays and hate when they remember mine after I forgot theirs!

Got these from J.. He said my gift was dinner out but since I am not up to that at the moment he'll "owe me one" - pfft. I can't really remember the last time I got an actual gift that I had to open on my birthday. (Although I do have a wonderful friend who went out of her way to bring me a gift this morning. Made my day!) At least he remembered to stop and pick up the roses on his way into WalMart when he stopped for a few things I needed. Love you honey. You know I am just teasing. J. is not known for planning ahead for special occasions, so it is a nice joke between us. That is what 15 years of marriage will do to you. It has become one of the special things I love about him. He remembered to wish me happy birthday and gave me a birthday kiss before he left this morning. So he didn't forget. What more can a girl ask for?

I will also say Happy Birthday to my dear Sis! One great thing about being a twin - at least I never forget her birthday! We did the old "beat each other to the call" game this morning. I called first, but she started to sing first. My grandmother woke both of us this morning, calling to sing. As corney as it is, it has become a tradition. My mom used to always call and sing on our birthday, then invite us over for our special birthday roast beef with wine gravy. Yummo. Miss that. The first few years after she was gone, all of us sort of let the singing thing slide, but I am happy that we are better now and doing it again. It is very special.

This birthday wasn't really going to bother me but my grandmother also had to take great pleasure in informing me that I was now half her age - the same age she was when I was born.
Ouch.
Man.
Made me ponder a bit. When she was my age, she was already a grandmother. Could I even wrap my mind around the idea of being a grandmother right now?
You see my mom was 16 when my sister and I were born.
Twins.
16 years old.
8 weeks premature. My grandmother said she used to drop her off at the hospital in the morning, and my dad would pick her up on the way home. She spent every day at the hospital until we came home. Sis first, then me. Yet, she never shared that with us. Never told me. I never thought to ask.
Also made me think - when my mom was my age - I was 22. Graduating college, and planning my wedding. My sister was married, and had just made my mom a grandmother!
Wow. I am my age with a 12 year old and some days can't handle it.
There is so much I wish I could ask her now. I was 29 when she passed away with only toddlers at home. I didn't realize there was stuff I was going to want to know. Those conversations are gone. Never to be had. We didn't have the sort of conversations then that I know we would have now. Not so much that she would give me worldly advice, but I am just curious. Plus I am sure she would throw in a few "when you were her age" comments that I would love to know now.

Yet I can't be sad about it. If she hadn't had us so young, I wouldn't have had the 29 years I did with her. God's plan I have to believe. Had she "done it the right way" , I may have only been a teenager when she passed away. She got to meet all of her grandchildren before she passed. She didn't get to be the grandmother she wanted to be, but she met them, and will meet them again some day. Each year also brings me one year closer to being her age when she passed away, but I can't let my mind go there. But it has made me realize I need to celebrate and thank God for the gift of another year here on this earth. Each of us should!

So 38 years later I think I turned out ok.