What we did today

Hawk Mountain

Unfortunately, and fortunately, this is the only hawk we got to see today. A beautiful red talk teaching bird. She has an injured wing. C. asked to sit in the front row and I am very glad we did. Also got up close and personal with a barred owl.

It has been YEARS since I have been there. I love to hike. Love nature, the woods, love walking outside. Used to do a lot of it, but in the last year, year and half have really not made the time for it. So I decided we were going today. You would have thought we were dragging K. to the gallows, but she wound up having a good time. C. was thrilled to climb the rocks and see how high he was. He had a blast. K.'s anxiety got the best of her and she would not venture out too far. Nor would she do the rock climbing trail with us.

I myself could just perch on the highest rock, farthest out and stay for hours. How anyone can look out on this beautiful scenery and think that any of it could be random and anything short of divine creation I am not sure.

Post to be continued ........since my other two pictures will not load in this post.

S'all good

I know there is a reason I keep these kiddos around.

Earlier tonight, K. saw my new Biggest Loser DVD's sitting on the counter. (as yes, I have embarked yet again on this "weight loss/be healthier version of me" journey) And she comments, "I don't know why you think you need that mommy. I think you are fine the way you are." And then C. adds his two cents, "Yeah. You look beautiful to me". *sniff* He has been all about the hugs and kisses lately.

So , I did explain to them that Mom is just trying to be healthier, and this is one of the things I am doing to accomplish that.

C. was also sitting here just a second ago, asking if I ever had a paper boy standing on the corner yelling, "Extra, extra" and handing out papers. I reminded him that no, that is more of a city thing, and most paper "boys" have stands, and dont' yell anymore. I said, "I am not that old", and he says, "You aren't old in my book!"

Think I'll keep them around a little longer.

It is just what I needed today after a long rather emotionally stressful day.

Oh man

Since K. got her contacts, she immediately has started begging for sunglasses. Her friend from up the street wanted to go with her to the mall. So when my sister called yesterday and we figured out that we were both thinking of taking the girls to the mall, we decided to go together. What fun right?? K. and I have never gone shopping "at the mall" together. We have gone as a family and picked up a few things here and there, and stick with Kohl's etc. Up until now, I have mostly been able to pick up things while I am out and bring them home for K. I know her taste pretty well, and keeping her away from the mall and some of the goth/acid head stores in there is all the better. Well I headed off yesterday with high hopes for a fun day! K was allowed for the first time ever to go off by herself with her friend, so hunt down previously mentioned sunglasses. They did a great job. I called them and had them meet my sister and I at Deb to look at some tops I found. well let's say - my niece gave my sister a HUGE run for her money and headache with her attitude and choice of clothing. K. started out ok, and proceeded to throw a major tempertantrum because I wouldn't let her buy a new dress for a dance that is a month away and is a costume party. She did settle down and we did wind up having a more pleasant time. But I do believe I just got a glimpse at the future. Let's say my hopes for happy skipping holding hands while shopping in the mall images are never going to happen (Not really but hey I can exaggerate a bit!) As my sister yet one more time told my niece to pull her pants up-Yes, she loves to wear the wasit band barely covering her, um, private parts, and telling her under no uncertain terms that she would not be buying one of the mini skirts unless the shorts were attached inside. Even though J. swore she would wear shorts underneath them (yea - so you can take them off in the bathroom at school?! - she seemed shocked that my sister and I would figure that one out, even when she insists she wouldn't!?) But above all for me, the shoe store was the worst. K. of course does not like any of the ballet flats that are so popular,a nd my neice keep saying they were too flat, when she was flapping around in flipflops all day!! What is flatter than a flipflop!! K. couldn't see why I wouldn't pay $23 for a pair of sneakers with a heel that I KNOW she would never tromp around all day in school with them on....

I am happy to report we did manage to clothe them all, and everyone got a pair of shoes. So it's all good. But, we won't be doing it again, anytime soon! I think I realized where the tshirt slogan we saw on vacation originated from...a mom at the mall. "I parent, therefore I drink"

Notice??

Anything different??

Got it yet??

Look closely.

No glasses!

Went to the optometrist today (which K. loves! honestly - she does) - and he ok'd contacts. She has been BEGGING! So they taught her how to put them in and out. She worked it like a champ and came home with them in! (the left one may have to be changed to a more expensive lens, but that will be assessed next week) She is beside herself with joy. [Only slightly makes up for the fact that she is mad at me because I won't let her go to the East/West football game tonight. I will not be home. J. does not want to go, and I do not trust the parent she wants to go with. So, she is not going. Period. ]

So that is the big news for today! Oh - and when I came over here to post the picture, I found C. and his friend, in true boy fashion daring each other to eat dog treats. Thankfully, the "real" food ones from Petco. Boys.

The excitement never ends here!

Meet.....

Rapper Gangsta' Zo.....
That is what K. called her.
see...this is what we do around here when we get bored! LOL! She actually walked around for quite awhile with the hoodie on. Til she got one of her paws stuck in a sleeve, then she had had enough. She loves these kids and I think you can even see her smile in one of the pictures.









Can't believe it has been over a week since I wrote anything. Guess, keeping my head above water has been more important. Nothing special to write about. Between the kids, my grandmother and I - in the last two weeks we have been to every form of doctor/orthodontist/dentist there is! Pair that with an over loaded work schedule, and school meetings, and youth group activities and meetings....I have not been home much more than to eat and sleep for awhile! Some days not even to eat!

But I am not whining. No whining. This is the good life. We have errands to run because we are blessed with a full life. Most of the doctor things have just been regular check ups and scheduled things. With the exception of me, and that is another post. I have been stressed with starting C. at school with no meds. He is struggling a bit but we are giving a few more things a try before we medicate. He does not want to go back on it. Doesn't like the way it makes him feel. Can't say I blame him.

So that is it.
Life.
Our busy happy life.
We are blessed and lucky.
Remember that every day.

Smile

In light of the impact of today's date....a light hearted post.

C's teacher told him in her welcome letter over the summer, that one thing he needed to bring to school every day was a smile. So he drew this on his water bottle sock. Great likeness, not?

He even drew, big smile with teeth, and small smile no teeth.

This other one is a shot of the kids with their only cousin in J's side of the family. Took it while we were visiting over Labor Day weekend. She is 5 years older than K, and 7 years older than C, but tolerates them well and plays with them when we visit. C and K have decided we need a pool table in the basement.

And I leave you with a quote that has been sticking with me since I read it on another blog a few times. Think about it. I know I distinctly remember quite a few encouraging comments made to me, that made my day/week or even life, and I am sure the person who said them doesnt' even remember...

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.”

Dale Carnegie motivational author

Hold your families close today. I am praying for the peace of heart for all those still experiencing the pain and loss of today's events 6 years ago.

First Day of School

I can remember the excitement of the first day. Back then, you know when the dinosaurs walked the earth, we actually did some extensive school shopping in late August, because then it didn't stay warm until October! Then, picking out that "perfect" new outfit. Many a September day I can remember sweating in my new courdoroy pants! We always went to Sears and got our new Roebucks shoes. How embarrassing in my late elementary years. I am sad there are no pictures I know that exist. I wish their were. Now - the kids can wear their summer things through most of Sept, so no real "new" clothes, but they did each pick out an outfit to wear. C. chose his "no homework" t-shirt. He felt it was fitting. K. yielding to peer pressure, wore a skirt she got a few weeks ago. While we really didn't go clothes shopping we did have to go for supplies. Folders and binders. Oh the choices!
Both up before the crack of dawn. This is C. ready with new backpack and new sneakers (no flip flops at school) sitting on the couch watching tv, an hour before the bus was due!! He is nearly in men's sizes! Those shoes are as big as you can get in boys, but they look huge to me. He is getting so big.



Since it is the second day of school when I am posting this, I can say the shoes are now rubbing him and he is complaining, although he was up early enough again today, as was K - a BIG feat around here. K. doesn't want to eat breakfast again this year, causing some friction here considering she has SIX of her 10 classes before lunch, which is not till noon, this year. She can not go on an empty stomach. So maybe it was the yelling this morning that got C. up!! She barely made it out for the bus, and I did hear her calling to her friend up the street that the bus was coming, and the girl next door called becuse she missed the bus this morning. So today was not quite as smooth!


And this picture tells it all - Zoey is miserable. When I called her in as C. walked to the corner for the bus - she dropped her ears, and walked ever so slowly. My heart went out to her. She is a little better today considering I am home, but she was still not happy to see them go again today.

So begins another year. J shocked us all, and announced we were going to dinner last night to celebrate the first day of school. We didn't argue! I love that we did it, becuase the kids chatted up their day much more than they would of had we stayed home. They chatted non-stop. Literally. Honest. Believe me, non-stop. K. still contending that 8th grade ROCKS, and every single teacher she had is cool. She also got an Open Art Room elective that she is thrilled about, as well as Scrabble club. C. was a *bit* less enthusiastic but chatty. We did discover he has a little crush on the girl across the street. His first crush! ACK! Neither of them medicated this year. Trying not to be tense and hold my breath about it. K. won't go back on it, but it is an option for C if we absolutely decide he can't function without it. Have to watch him closely.

Home Again Home Again

Jiggety Jig!! Home again home again, jiggety jig!

And we couldn't be more excited.

I never want to drive 20 miles out of or way to use a scanky fast food restaurant bathroom and squat over a gross toilet for as long as I live!

Love J's family, and had a great time on vacation, but three out of state trips in three weeks has been a bit too much time in the car for all of us. Coming home Sunday was almost torture. I BEGGED to come home Sunday instead of fighting traffic Monday. Besides, the kids and I needed yesterday to chill and get ready for the first day of school today!! Will post about that later.

For now I am going to go enjoy an uninterrupted cup of coffee and Regis and Kelly without someone whining about it!

J's mom is doing great by the way! Waiting for some test results to decide if any more treatment is necessary. She is certainly and walking miracle so far!

Back and thinking again

We are back from the beach. My apologies - all the pictures are on J's work laptop. Shhhh...don't tell we used it all weekend. ::wink::: So this is a picture-less post. ::gasp:: say it isn't so! But I had to get this memory out of my head and here before I forget it.

Once again proof, I think too much.

One evening when we were on vacation, K wanted ice cream, and no one else did, so we ducked into the Ben and Jerry's (for the first and last time I might add. Can you say WAY TOO expensive!? Holy cow, pun intended...how do they get away with it!) Since C and I didnt' want anything we chose to sit in the chairs that line the store and wait while J took K into the line to order. As I sat there and people watched, one of my favorite things to do, I noticed the couple standing in line right behind J and K. And it dawned on me - they were a perfectly aged version of J and I! They were dressed very similar to us (Even K pointed out that the woman's blouse was just like mine) and she even had a perfect pedi and toe rings with her cool sandals. Husband in denim shorts, and a t with sneakers, just like J's "uniform" I call it. So I giggled to myself, and thought, - ok so we will still be cute in say another 15 years.....I whispered to him, and he agreed. He was even rubbing her back absentmindedly like J often does to me if we are standing nextg to each other. It was a nice couple moment between us. Then - I realized right behind them, was a pefectly coifed, I would say early 20's something young gal. Cute sundress, matchy matchy purse, make up done, nails done, hair perfect, matching sandals, and with her was her just as perfectly coifed and primped partner/husband whichever. And it dawned on me, we USED to be that. THAT used to matter. When we took vacations, we didn't go out every night until my make up was perfect, and I had my hair done. I packed perfectly matching outfits down to the hair accesories. I used to bring 20 pair of shoes! Quite the contrast to how I packed this year I can tell you that! And what seemed so important then, is so NOT important now. The contrast to those two couples just solidified to me, how we change without even really realizing it. Now - I still care about my appearance, prefer not to leave the house without my hair done, and *some* make up on, but the "image" is so not important any more. You will never see me in a mumu in public and I like to think even as I get older, I will dress appropriately for my age, but still hip, and contemporary. But perfection does not matter any more. I am so grateful I have grown enough to be comfortable enough with myself that it so does not matter anymore. With age does come maturity on so many different levels. While I would love my 20 something body back, I certain would never want that insecure young woman back - so I will embrace my maturity and look forward to being "that couple" , hopefully that everyone looks at and says, "Isn't it sweet that they still hold hands" in another 15 years!

Outta here

Quick stop in NC to visit my brother - love that....and we will be here........

doing silly things like this ...........

by Saturday afternoon!!

Taking the new camera and the laptop to download.

..so I might just be able to post from the road.

Proof

This post will probably be proof that I think way too much. But , I guess there are worse things to be doing with my time!

First - some shots I too this morning with my NEW camera!

This is Zoey, looking rather more box-ery than usual. She and I are totally digging her tie dye bandanna, and feeling very Jimmy Buffet today. The one thing I wanted most in this new camera was zoom to "sneak" up on my subjects. She had no idea I was even bothering to take her picture. Love that!This is the tallest sunflower in my garden. It is taller than me. I was standing up on the upper deck to take this picture. The gold finches that live in the lilac bush, have been over having a snack on the flower every day.

Then this is from my same distance. I just turned a bit to get the sun behind the flowers. This is the top of the same sunflower. LOOVE the new zoom!

And the flowers bring me to the thoughts that were running through my head last night. I took on the task of deadheading and weeding my flower beds. With the horrible heat and humidity we have been having, this has been sorely neglected. I have at least 7 huge bushes of Shasta daisy. One thing to know about Shasta's is that once their initial blooming period is over, the heads turn brown and they are frankly ugly. New buds will eventually come in, but not well if you don't dead head the old flowers. So, as I was grumbling to myself last night, as it took almost two hours to completed the task, and getting mad at myself for letting it go. It occurred to me.

I was more than willing to enjoy the flowers, but less than happy (last night) to put in the work that is required to see those beautiful flowers. Normally this is a happy chore for me , but after the first 3 bushes I was a bit weary of cutting.

Anything that is worth anything to us as humans requires tending - relationships as well. The most beautiful house, or most expensive car, or most ornate flower garden will soon be dilapidated without care and attention. Isn't that how it is with our personal relationships as well? So many folks want to enjoy the fruits of a happy marriage or great relationship with their children, but are not willing to put in the time and effort required to "tend" those flowers. My marriage has needed some extra tending in the last few months. Thankfully, J and I are willing to take the time to pay attention to us, and what we need. Most of it requiring patiance on my part. Many people in this day and age, stop and look around at their "garden" and decide it is much easier to pick up and start another one, than to stay and "weed" the one they already started. One lesson I that was reinforced last night with my flowers is that it is much easier to tend to a task in small daily incremements, than it is to wait until it is overgrown and attempt to clear it out. The same goes for our loved ones. They need daily attention and tending - in other words time. I try my best to take time every day to be with my husband and children, just spend time listening, cuddling or just being there. I am watering my "flowers", pulling "weeds", gently "fertilizing" those relationships.

One of the most powerful things someone has said to me, was years ago - an online friend of mine said this - paraphrased by me because I can't remember the exact wording.....

People need to stop looking over the fence coveting everyone else's garden, and turn around and start pulling the weeds in their own garden.

Happy happy!

Mine mine mine, all mine.

This little baby is in it's box right now, awaiting me to free it and begin taking some pictures!

J. and I RARELY treat ourselves to anything not in the budget. And right now, we can think of at least 30 other things this money could be used to purchase, but you know what? Sometimes you just gotta live in the moment. Just do what you want, instead of what you have to do! We have been pinching pennies for K's therapy, and he has been working 60 hours a week, so there is a bit of extra in the checking at the moment, and when our little point and shoot digital started acting funny the other day, has been sucking battery power for months now and vacation looming - we threw caution to the wind, and came home with this today.

Not the digital SLR either of us wanted, but when we really sat down and evaluated the features, and how many of them we would really honestly use, we couldn't justify paying twice as much and only using the features we could get on this smaller camera. This one is 8.1 mps, plenty for what we use it for, has the zoom(15X Plus 25X digital zoom) I want without having to buy extra lenses, plus it has the sport feature for action shots and a hard drive memory to take repetetive shots, as well as use in case your memory card gets full or, (gasp) for get it. It's light and the features are easy to navigate. The lens is a Carl Zeiss, which must be special because it is copy righted and they make a big deal out of the name on the information. (see how much I know!) It has image stabilizer, and a video capability in HD if we want. I am sure there are dozens more features I haven't even read about yet. But these were the ones that were important to us.

We got 7 good years, for the $200 we spent on the other point and shoot. Can't beat that. We'll keep it around until it dies completely. Whenever we buy something that is more expensive I extrapolate the cost over the length of time we will use it. Makes it seem so much more reasonable. We had J's old Minolta SLR out last night. Man. Memories. Most of our dating memories we captured through that camera's lens. He bought that in 1984. The kids were amazed. Film? What's film? We are really raising a generation that will never know what developing film was like. K was 7 when we bought the digital. So, she really doesn't remember my old point and shoot film camera. What do you mean you can't see the picture after you take it? Man, it is heavy too! J used to walk with that thing around his neck everywhere when we met. Now I have to shove the camera in his hand and get him to take some pictures. He knows all that lens stuff, and never uses it. Our camera has been set on manual and never moved since the day we got it. My goal is to learn a bit more about some of the shutter settings, and things to maybe take some more in depth shots.

So off I go....to hang the laundry, fold some clothes, finish a birthday project for a friend, vacuum...and oh yeah - play with my camera! Which do you think I will do first?

Forgiveness

There hasn't been much on my mind lately, Using up all my energy just "doing" summer. Helping my best friend with her new scrapbook store. Keeping the kids occupied. Seeing Brad Paisley in concert with a great friend. Resolving "issues" at home. You know. The normal "woman of the new millenium" stuff.

I was reading a blog today that I haven't read in awhile. This gal has an incredible gift for the written word, and sharing her faith and emotion in the written word.
This quote struck me.

"I know that part of the healing that we have all been praying for has to be the healing that comes from forgiving ourselves for not being able to do all that we wished we could have done. That while we were juggling, as women constantly do, some of the things we were juggling fell to the floor when life told us that we only had the capacity to juggle the very most important things…."

I think she put into words the source of 90% of any mom or grown woman's "guilt". I highly doubt there is any mother/wife/daughter that has not had some "mommy guilt" - that feeling of knowing you are making the best decision for that moment, but you keep being tweeked by that nagging feeling that maybe it wasn't the right one. Taking care of one thing, means neglecting another. Anyone who has ever had to take care of an ill parent or grandparent fights with that, "I should be with my kids", or "I should be at home doing this or that feeling". Or you have to make that tough choice, that upsets everyone at the moment, but you know in the long run is the right. It dawned on me as I read her quote, that most of my guilt is just that - the feeling that I could have done a better job of "keeping it all together". Could I be doing better for my kids right now? Am I making the right choices? I am taking care of everything the best that they deserve or just the best that I can? Am I giving it all my effort or just "enough"? Could I have been there more for this person or that person? I used to sit a lot and wonder if I could have handled the year and a half my mom was sick much better. Did I give my kids enough during that time? I wrestled with the guilt of barely remembering C's baby milestones, cause I was so wrapped up in mom's illness, hospitalizations and appts. Did K's ADD and anxiety blossom during that time? Could I have done something different?

Of course the most wonderful gift in the world is the ability to forgive ourselves for dropping a few balls every now and then, and that is exactly what Melody is talking about. NO one can possibly do it all, and do it all well. We personally have to make the choice to take care of one thing, possibly neglecting another. How many of us pray for ourselves? and how often do you pray that God will let you let go of that guilt and forgive yourself? I know I need to do it more often. I do pray for guidance often. My problem is being sure and now constantly second guessing that guidance! Yes, I consider it a personal flaw that I blame myself for a lot, and take a lot on my own shoulders. I admit it. My nature I guess. I do not spend nearly as much time in the "if only's" as I used to, and that is a personal accomplishment for me. I have also grown to realize that taking time for myself, is one of the best things I can do for my family. Every now and then we have to gently put down all the balls and concentrate on ourselves. I take care of all the important things of course before I leave, but I need that time to be mentally healthy, and when I am mentally healthy, we are all much happier.

This of course is just my personal interpretation of her writing. If you want to read the entire thing, head over here - http://www.melodyross.typepad.com/ and check her out. Pretty amazing story of faith and perserverence of their family.

Summer Yum part one

This is the part of summer I wait for. A feast for the eyes as well as the tummy.This is a dozen of fresh -picked- this- morning- Longacre -farms corn. One advantage to living in the boonies, is that this wonderful stand is nearly walking distance from our house, and I love to watch the corn come up, wait to see the hair on it and wait to see the wagon be pulled out and set up. Then you know, the corn is ready! No waiting to go to the farmer's market, no driving out to the organic farm. It's right here nearly in the back yard. And it is offical. I am a local yokel and am getting old. As I was standing in line at the wagon waiting to pay, the gentleman in front of me asked the cute little Pa dutch woman helping out, "Was this picked fresh?" Of course, her answer was, "Yes, this morning." As I approached her, I couldn't help but say, "He definitely isn't a local. Anyone who is local knows this was picked this morning and if you don't 'get here by 11 am, you don't get any!" As I walked back to the car, it dawned on me. I am now one of those middle aged people that can say things like that because I have been around long enough to know , and I am a local yokel that can point out the out of towners passing through on Rt 100 !! Is that a good thing or bad!? I am not sure. What really cracked me up, is that when the woman commented on my being a local said "gee, I don't know you. If you have been here all these years, I should know you". I had to laugh that our town is small enough, yet there are at least 1000 people living here, but she felt that she should know me. Gotta love a small town! And I guess I have ascended to total dork status that I was out in my own garden taking pictures today cause it is just looking SO good! I did get most things in late, so much of it is coming up late. Since we eat a ton of ceasar salad, I decided to try my hand at romaine lettuce this year. It is doing great, and I think we will have more lettuce than even the three of us can eat very soon!
Here is my cucumer vine reaching out through the fence. The watermelon vine is covered with flowers, and reaching all over my strawberries. I am tickled since last year neither the cucumbers of watermelon did well at all. We had flowers but no veggies. I swear if I sat and watched over night I would actually see these things move, they grow that fast on a day! AND the pumpkin vines are coming up nicely!
These are some of my red bell pepers. Only problem is , they are no more than 2 inches across! All of them are coming in like that this year. I have no idea why. You cut it up, it tastes like a regular ol pepper just in minature! I can put two whole peppers one salad!

And is there anything better than fresh broccoli from the garden? last year the ground hog beat me to it. Havent' seen him this year and this should be ready to be cut by next week. I can't wait. So far the rabbits, although they chewed a whole thrugh the fence to get to the strawberries, have not bothered the rest of the garden.The groundhog made a meal out of every stitch of my broccoli last year one night before I wanted to pick it. If he does that this year I will hunt him down!! Told you I have ascended to a whole new dork status, and I am talking about tracking down groundhogs!

Just waiting for the 100 tomatoes that are green to ripen, so I can burn my finger prints off blanching and peeling them for sauce. Last year, that happened two days before we left on vacation. My luck, the same thing will happen this year. :)