Winged Angels

Where is this summer going? The days have just been so busy and so full of “to do”, they are just flying by!

Going through my picture folders last night, I scrolled past these, and on the 12 anniversary of my mom’s passing, the significance of this dragonfly came down on me again, and the emotion of the morning these were taken came rushing back. Since writing helps me work through this stuff – here goes.

 

It was a few weeks ago, just a few weeks into my nephew moving in here with us -  coming on the heels of a few whirl wind weeks – Disney, Relay, travelling for the 4th of July, K turning 16 – topped off by a 19 year old house guest – I was feeling pretty raw.

I guess I was due for a melt down.

Fatigue from the previous weeks. The emotional roller coaster of K’s birthday, and my nephew’s return, topped off by adjusting to him suddenly living here, and the quirks and adjustments that were expected and a ton that were not.

Guess I was due.

So I  melted down. One Saturday night. Questioned our choices, prayed about it. Cried about it all.

The next morning, Sir Fartsalot and I were tending the garden, pond and bird feeders as we often do early on a Sunday morning. The sun was shining, and I was feeling better, the patio and garden always does that for me. But I was still recovering from the night before.

And – this guy would just not leave us alone. Hard to see in the pictures, but it’s wings were the most vivid blue and black I had ever seen on a dragon fly. The pictures do not do the color justice. And honestly, he just sat there, watching us. Flying off and coming right back. Seemingly unafraid.   Hung out around us and the pond until we were finished.

I melted down again.

Oh pu-leeze, I said to myself , get a grip!!

But you see – I have long held the quiet silent belief that occasionally angels can present themselves to us here on earth in the winged creatures. I heard it somewhere and it resonated with me, and stuck with me. It helps that I love winged creatures here on earth.  Very very often, the few times, really only once a year, that my brother, sister and I and our families manage to spend some time together, there is a dragon fly or butterfly somewhere, at some point, usually one that does not leave us quickly. May be a childish selfish belief, but I like to think it may be my mom sharing in our togetherness, which she loved, and keeping an eye on us.

One of the aspects of my melt down the night before was, with everything that was going on around us, my mom’s absence was for the first time in a long time, glaringly obvious – sharing in the joys we were experiencing as well as the challenges we were facing.  I would have given anything to hear her advice on what was going on. Have her tell me it would all work out. I also  knew in my heart if she was still with us, I can be selfish enough to say, she would have taken care of some of the responsibilities that were falling on me, or she would have had another solution….so I was allowing myself a lot of emotion.

And to get up the next morning, and the first thing we encounter is this winged creature who seemed to follow us, watch us, be with us, was almost too much for me.  I allowed myself the brief consolation that this was the sign I begged for the night before, that what we were doing was the right thing, it would all work out and yes, my mom was still near us, watching and guiding.

True or not, Who knows. But, hey, whatever gets me through the rough patch right?

And, we have not seen it once since.

Coincidence?