When witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers,
‘tis near Halloween.
~Author Unknown

Happy Fall!

Big changes here in the Fish-bowl in the next few weeks..but I can not say a word! It is killing me...soon soon, so soon.....

warning - photo overload

So - yeah - this is Hawk Mtn, but NO we did not get to hike Sunday. We have delayed and delayed and delayed these plans, and yet again Sunday did not get to hike. The wait to PARK was an hour. *sigh*
You see. one thing I have discovered in my journey to knowing myself and my needs better in the last year, is really coming to realize when I feel tense or stressed, just from regular ol' every day life, or worse, I crave fresh air. Being outside, grounds me.
In thinking back. Even as a child, when I needed a mental break, I went outside.
Loved when we went to the mountains, getting up early in the morning and going to sit by the creek by myself.
Whenever I felt stressed in college or even just wanted to study extra hard, I sat outside.
I prefer my morning coffee outside.
I guess it battles those "penned in" feelings and the feelings of my world closing in.
Even the night my grandfather died, and the night my mom died,
my first instinct was to get outside, in both cases to a balcony, and just breath.
Pray, look up the heavens. I feel closest to my God and most open to
my holy spirit when I am outside.
I most certainly would shrivel and die if I lived somewhere that I could not get out and get some fresh air.
Fresh air is good for my soul. And I have been giving myself more permission lately
to get when I NEED to.
So with a busy busy schedule the last three weeks my mind and soul have been screaming to get up to Hawk to hike.
But alas. J's soul was not screaming as much as mine to wait in hour....
so we decided to just drive around the mountain a bit, and meander our way taking pictures and getting some fresh air with the windows open.
I was not the only dork pulled over to the side of the road taking pictures. Just so you know!

Where did we eventually wind up? Kempton Railroad. It is at the bottom of the hill near Hawk Mountain. We used to go here often as children. My grandfather loved trains. I don't have too many distinct memories butr recall the pictures and honestly had such a sense of deja vu when we walked up that was unreal.

So we were outside , just not hiking. We chose to ride the open air car, for the 45 min train ride.

*sigh*
I will just add again, how much I adore this guy.

The country side didn't have the color I had hoped for, I think the day before rain had knocked most of the leaves down. But it was beautiful nonethe less.

This was our ticket taker. I just wanted a candid of him punching tickets. I love how this turned out. He was so nice. And all of them are VOLUNTEER. Yup - do it because they love it.

One reason I love where we live.

At the end of the tracks teh engine has to switch to the other end of the train to pull us back to the station. Pretty neat to watch and "feel" the switch. Pretty cool when the engine takes the slack out of the cars and starts moving forward.

And *sigh* I just love this little man too.
He was enjoying a day alone with mom and dad, and thought this was much cooler than the hike.

Ok - I will admit. I came "this close" to all out crying when we went into the gift shop. Which looks exactly like I barely remember.
Then I saw these.,......
They literally stopped me in my tracks and a memory came flooding in.....

There is one distinct memory I have of Kempton - we did not get souveners in most places we went. Money was just too tight for my grandparents. But we were allowed to chose a candy stick when we came. I can remember standing there deciding which ones to get, and feeling the edges get sharp on my tongue after sucking on them for awhile. I would wager $100 that these are the same jars (and they were on the shelf next to a nice selection of VHS videos in case you hadn't moved up to DVD yet!) Back in time I tell ya!

So we may not have hiked but had a great day anyway!!
Go with the flow is sometimes the best!

Busy...

I have been totally wordless of late.
Odd, I know.

Some are very busy and yet do nothing. ~ English Proverb

Totally feeling like this right now.
Taken no pictures barely at all in October.

Just treading water.
Feeling like all I do is drive in and out of the garage, all day long.

So may things swirling around the Fish-bowl these last few weeks.
J looking into a new job with a HUGE promotion and big changes.
Me trying to fit in my own physical therapy the last 8 weeks, and still work my regular job, plus get recruited by the therapy place I am attending to start working there. Hopefully helping the out with their pool program when it opens. Very exciting, yet stressful all at the same time to try to keep all the balls in the air.
Sick kid. Pediatrician appts. ,dealing with homework issues....etc etc...

Treading water.
Doing a lot of too much but not much of anything.

Except this.....

Our yearly Crop for a Cure was - oops, nearly two weeks ago now.....
Fun was had by all!! In all our happy pink-ness!
Hopefully, when totals are in we raised about $5000!! :)
Fun exciting busy weekend.
And I don't think any of us has stopped moving since.
Such is life!

Prayerfully, due to some bad weather this weekend,
We will have a quiet night at home with some yummy pasta and a movie tomorrow night.
After an afternoon having a nice high tea with some friends. Hate that life's busi-ness has almost made me want to cancel out on this just because it would be one less place I have to be!
A sure sign that I need to slow down and get some control over my schedule. (Maybe I should say that to the six day week I have scheduled next week.....hmmm...)
Then Sunday HOPEFULLY we will get back to Hawk Mtn to hike a bit. It will be muddy. But the leaves will be done soon, and we have re-scheduled this three times! Gosh darn it we are going!
So maybe I will finally take some pictures and have some fun to post bout soon!

Why write it myself?

Why write a post myself when someone else said it so well......

I just found THIS blog and am really enjoying his posts.
Particularly today's....

Go read, please.

There are no words.

Just praying for the Kaat family.

Jaymun

This little boy needs prayers again,..... well ongoing I should say...but he is critical again.
http://jaymun.com/

I can't even remember how I ever stumbled upon this little boy's story.
But he grabbed my heart immediately.
He was born, yes I said born, as in from day one of his life, had leukemia. When I first started reading and following the blog and his father's updates he was in critical condition of Christmas.
He pulled through and was doing better, relapsed and was sent home basically to die.
This boy's father is amazing. Through intensive research and what I am sure were many many sleepless nights he DARED to research alternative treatments for his son. he read articles, lab reports and called scientists, and came up with his own mixture of herbals for Jaymun. And you know what, they worked! All at a fraction of the cost of conventional medicine. Jaymun was doing well for almost a year following that dreadful prognosis. Over this past summer however, his dad relaxed the herbals and he relapsed a bit, and this has become a down hill slide every since. Many complications scarily similar to my mom's downhill slide.
Things are not looking good right now.
He and his family need our prayers.
This family is SO faithful
With all they have been through they see nothing but the grace of God.
I personally see the gift that this father will be to many many children besides his own. He has started a foundation to give a resource for discovering alternative treatments for other parents and children. I am hoping, and I am sure he is too, that some day cases like his who get a voice will encourage more valid study and recognition for these treatments in modern medicine.
But he did this in the midst of his son's tragedy. He did not sit back and cry, shake his fist at God and take it lying down. While God does want our faith I do believe He also wants us to have our own mind, and DO something. He knows what is planned for us. He knows whether Jaymun will live or die. He also knows WHAT THAT PATH IS FOR. His plan is for us to use our experiences for SOMETHING. While we may sometimes never know the purpose for some of the things we must endure. Personally, and only personally, sometimes I believe God set the earthly ways into motion and let's us experience being human, being mortal. That includes illness, as well as health. Happiness as well as sadness. But I also know He can and does use each event for a purpose.
To teach, set an example, start a new path, what ever it may be.
Most times He has to leave that part up to us. We fall seriously short more often than not, I do anyway.
God gave this father a gift, a gift of perserverence,
the will for knowledge and a desperation to save his son.
God knew this family was the one that could do it.
No matter how long or short Jaymun's time on earth may be.
His little life has had more impact on more people than
most of us will ever touch in a lifetime. That to me is incredible.
No one wants to be handed that task.
I think it takes a pretty awesome and faithful person to accept it, graciously turn around and ask what he is to do with it now instead of waving it back in God's face screaming, "why?".
I only hope should I ever be faced with a fraction of the struggles of this family I can display half the grace, faith and will that this family has.

Way too close to home!

Lookie lookie!

Look what has come to live at our house??
Is it a sad testament to the dowdy old housewife that I have become if these make me insanely happy??
(shhh don't tell J - I whined about not needing them - because frankly, we didn't)
They are so QUIET!!
Although it is funny to walk by and the only sound I can hear is the clothes sloshing and flopping around. Weird.

One reason they make me happy??
See that color on the wall??
The Washer and Dryer FINALLY forced us to paint the laundry room! That is a major woohoo for me!
I picked up the curtains, and need another one, to finally cover the gawd-awful open shelving above the W&D, and when I was at Home Depot (yes, my home away from home) remembered that the color I was trying to match was the same one that we decided not to use in on the front wall in the front room, after we had bought it....and low and behold it matched perfectly! Score one for me!
The trim will be a deep gold and the other walls besides the alcove a sagey- green.
So walking in there and seeing color on the walls and no more fingerprints, and gashes from moving makes me insanely happy!
I love red!

Buying new before the others were completely gone goes against every grain of my being. But one thing I have had to come to accept about my dh is that it does not bother him.
Although another reason these make me insanely happy, is that we rarely rarely rarely ever buy anything new. Our current washer and dryer have been with us since our first house 18 years ago.
J has been itching to get new HE W&D for months now. And one thing he can very well be made infamous for, is his ability and endurance for finding good deals and sales.
These he has been researching style, quality, reading complaint posts, and finding sales for at least 8 months.
He got us these, basically two for the price of one, and same as cash until we get our tax check. Otherwise we never would have charged them. But because of his diligence, and bickering ability, and comparison shopping with his Excel sheets (yes, I said Excel sheets ~ and the sales girl at Sears was pretty impressed - oh yeah and I am supposed to announce that no one is to ever shop at Sears again....apparently price matching is not as advertised)
So while I was still unsure about replacing with new before the others had died, I couldn't argue.
There are some days I laugh and think J's worst nightmare would be one of our major appliances dying and his needing to replace it without months of research and bargain shopping.
And I tease him but this little quirk about him does allow us to have nicer things then we ever normally would.
So thanks honey!

Comparatively speaking......

Trying to force myself to finish this layout!
Started it two weeks ago....
A challenge was posted on a message board I surf....
Compare/contrast two things...
The first thing that came to mind was these two.....
so I managed to finish the details of the layout.....
but have yet to sit and make the lists...
so if I put it here, maybe I will be forced to do it,
these two are as different as night and day,
yet similar in many ways.....
Maybe some of you can help me out.....

He......
*has blue eyes
*quiet and reserved just like his Dad
*easy going
*sometimes I can forget he is even in the house
*loves his bike right now
*loves chicken fingers
*very kind and generous
*very protective and sweet with younger kids
*My "did you ever wonder...." kid, always wants to know more
*reminds me it is okay to get dirty
*MAKES MY HEART MELT WITH ONE LOOK

She......
*has brown eyes
*outgoing and gregarious yet anxious and shy at times
*likes to be in charge
*always makes her presence known
*loves tennis and not much other physical activity
*loves macaroni and cheese
*very kind and generous
*very sensitive to other people's feelings
*always on the side of the underdog
*not overly curious about much - takes most things at face value
*can drive me crazy in a heart beat
*MAKES MY HEART MELT WITH ONE LOOK

Sooo..........

"'Aging is not 'lost youth' but a new stage of opportunity and strength"

~Betty Friedan~

Photos by J. which explains the expression on my face! Took all my courage to pose for these.

Not only has it been weeks since I last blogged, I went and had another birthday!
This year I am really trying to take this quote to heart. Trying to enjoy the opportunities that this stage in my life afford me. "new stage of opportunity and strength."
I have admitted over and over that I am not handling growing older or watching my kids mature, at all gracefully. I have essentially been lead kicking and screaming.
Strength.
I have lacked it.
I feel stronger now than ever.
I have the strength to finally admit and expect what "I" need.
And that feels terrific.

"If we spent as much time feeling positive about getting older, as we do trying to stay young, how much different our lives would be." ~ Rob Brown

So, I am also trying very hard to internalize and live this quote a bit more.
Aging is not a priviledge given to everyone.
I am trying hard to embrace it, and love me the way I am.

I really sat down yesterday and forced myself to consider the last year. How far I have some, considering last year, I had just had my accident, was in a lot of pain, was over 60lbs overweight and honestly not very happy with myself.
In January, I made a decision, that it was time to make myself happy. No more sitting around waiting for someone else to do it.
I took my health, physical and mental, into my own hands, and made some changes.
In transforming, and returning to more of an attitude of gratitude, putting myself first again, I made some pretty dramatic changes.

I don't want myself to ever forget how it felt today to put on these jeans.
Come out of the dressing room, repeating, oh my god oh my god I am actually wearing a size 10!! Over and over.
The transformation over the last nine months, mentally and physically still surprise me sometime.
I am happy in the ways that matter right now.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I have a few more pounds to go, but can allow my self to relish the fact that I am not longer "obese" but "slightly overweight" according to my BMI.
I feel healthier now than I have in a very long time. Even the last time I was this thin, 6 or so years ago, I did not feel this well mentally.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

~Douglas Adams~


So no matter where the road leads me in the next year, I pray I can maintain this mental attitude , embrace the opportunities that my growing older affords me and embrace it all with a smile and new attitude.
I may have to put this picture on the frig, not only to remind myself of the size, but how honestly truly happy and content this person is right here, right now.
And she now has the strength and confidence to admit it.
I am ALLOWED to feel this way and be proud of it.
Wow.

Can you believe....

This is the only photo I have taken since the first day of school.
There are so many things that go through my mind every day,a nd I think,
oh I have to go write that down....
and don't.
Busy busy busy....
So here is the gang of outlaws....
they must be on the run...
when they come back to town,
I am sure the grown one will write something about it!

Do not my son and his daddy make pretty mean cowboys!
They took their part very seriously!
I think I need to get J. a cowboy hat and oil cloth coat, I like the look.

It happened again....

It happens every year.
Most years I dread it.
This year I thought I was ready.
Turns out, I was not.

Labeling folders and getting ready last night.
After an exhausting night rushing around at the Jr High for yet another orientation.

Highlighting her classrooms on the school map.
After she sat down and did this , at my suggestion, she felt much better and announced that she would be fine! I pray.

This guy actually got up without any trouble this morning. I was shocked and will take bets on how long it lasts. 6 am came REAL early this morning...

Miss "Yeah I am cool, it's all cool. I am not nervous".....

When did they get so tall??
Grown up?

I thought I was ready.
This was after all the "summer that wasn't" Very stressful for me.
Filled with nothing for all of us.
So I was ready for routine, school, normalcy.
Then why is there a lump in my throat just looking at this?
As weird as the summer was, I still love having them here.
Where they belong.
With me.
Forever.
(Yes I can try to deny it for as long as i want thankyouverymuch!....teeheee)

This gal pretty much sums up how we were both feeling this morning.
I don't even remember what it was I wanted to do on those frustrating mornings....
although I am watching GMA for the first time in months!

If they knew I took this picture they would KILL me.
Someone might see you mom!!
God forbid someone knows mom loves me and will miss me.

So it begins. Another school year.
Jr hi. Sr Hi.
All in one year.
We do it all the way!
No more elementary school.
No more school parties and cupcakes.
No more Secret reader days.
No more classroom helper.

This is going to take some getting used to,
but as I told K about highschool last night,
"Many have gone before you and lived to tell the tale!"

Already can't wait to see them later today.

They are taking over!

The spiders that it!
We have had a lot of rain.
And they love it.
Took these this morning...
This one goes from the ground/bushes up to the tree. To give you an idea
there is 24 inches between the rails on the fence.
This thing is huge!

This one is under the other tree. Same thing, from the bush up to the tree...but rather than being a perfect circle like the other one..this one reminds me of a cat's cradle pattern. You know when you make the broom? And the top is attached to the tree with an elaborate maze of strings. Pretty darn cool but would not show up on the picture..

And a small surprise for the mailperson!
The spiders love my gardens, and they eat the bugs! So it's a win win!

For the first time ever, right before we left for vacation, C and I were in the pool, and there was a web on one handle of the ladder. Well, we got it wet. For the first time ever, we watched the spider dismantle the web. It was so cool to watch her gather it up, lickety split it was gone!
We didn't put our hand on that side of the ladder for the rest of the day cause she hung out on the under side waiting for us to leave, and this spider was HUGE!

It's happening....

It's really happening.
High school.
Wow.

I thought going back to work at 6 weeks was hard.
I thought kindergarten was hard.
I thought Jr Hi was hard.
See a common thread here?
Always seemed to think each milestone was going to be the hardest.
The rest would be easier to accept.
Not that I am dragging my feet in the mud trying to deny that my kids are growing up.
Or the type of mom that will smother them to my breast until they are 20.
It is hard to describe the odd feelings.
It is a mixture of pride, happiness, melancholy, sadness for the loss of a "stage" that I was enjoying, anticipation, anxiety of what is to come.
I can't believe how time flies.
I can't believe the wave of emotion every time we come to one of these milestones.
Honestly thought each one would get easier.
I can say, they have not!
I am very proud of everything my kids accomplish and would never wish different.
So once again we step out onto a new unknown.
And it dawns on me, as much as i think this one will be the hardest, there are always going to be more...
college, moving out, marriage, kids of their own. trials and tribulations...there are still going to be more and more unknowns.
I guess for us mom's it never ends.
So here's to this one!
Let the excitement begin!