Jaymun

This little boy needs prayers again,..... well ongoing I should say...but he is critical again.
http://jaymun.com/

I can't even remember how I ever stumbled upon this little boy's story.
But he grabbed my heart immediately.
He was born, yes I said born, as in from day one of his life, had leukemia. When I first started reading and following the blog and his father's updates he was in critical condition of Christmas.
He pulled through and was doing better, relapsed and was sent home basically to die.
This boy's father is amazing. Through intensive research and what I am sure were many many sleepless nights he DARED to research alternative treatments for his son. he read articles, lab reports and called scientists, and came up with his own mixture of herbals for Jaymun. And you know what, they worked! All at a fraction of the cost of conventional medicine. Jaymun was doing well for almost a year following that dreadful prognosis. Over this past summer however, his dad relaxed the herbals and he relapsed a bit, and this has become a down hill slide every since. Many complications scarily similar to my mom's downhill slide.
Things are not looking good right now.
He and his family need our prayers.
This family is SO faithful
With all they have been through they see nothing but the grace of God.
I personally see the gift that this father will be to many many children besides his own. He has started a foundation to give a resource for discovering alternative treatments for other parents and children. I am hoping, and I am sure he is too, that some day cases like his who get a voice will encourage more valid study and recognition for these treatments in modern medicine.
But he did this in the midst of his son's tragedy. He did not sit back and cry, shake his fist at God and take it lying down. While God does want our faith I do believe He also wants us to have our own mind, and DO something. He knows what is planned for us. He knows whether Jaymun will live or die. He also knows WHAT THAT PATH IS FOR. His plan is for us to use our experiences for SOMETHING. While we may sometimes never know the purpose for some of the things we must endure. Personally, and only personally, sometimes I believe God set the earthly ways into motion and let's us experience being human, being mortal. That includes illness, as well as health. Happiness as well as sadness. But I also know He can and does use each event for a purpose.
To teach, set an example, start a new path, what ever it may be.
Most times He has to leave that part up to us. We fall seriously short more often than not, I do anyway.
God gave this father a gift, a gift of perserverence,
the will for knowledge and a desperation to save his son.
God knew this family was the one that could do it.
No matter how long or short Jaymun's time on earth may be.
His little life has had more impact on more people than
most of us will ever touch in a lifetime. That to me is incredible.
No one wants to be handed that task.
I think it takes a pretty awesome and faithful person to accept it, graciously turn around and ask what he is to do with it now instead of waving it back in God's face screaming, "why?".
I only hope should I ever be faced with a fraction of the struggles of this family I can display half the grace, faith and will that this family has.

Way too close to home!

Lookie lookie!

Look what has come to live at our house??
Is it a sad testament to the dowdy old housewife that I have become if these make me insanely happy??
(shhh don't tell J - I whined about not needing them - because frankly, we didn't)
They are so QUIET!!
Although it is funny to walk by and the only sound I can hear is the clothes sloshing and flopping around. Weird.

One reason they make me happy??
See that color on the wall??
The Washer and Dryer FINALLY forced us to paint the laundry room! That is a major woohoo for me!
I picked up the curtains, and need another one, to finally cover the gawd-awful open shelving above the W&D, and when I was at Home Depot (yes, my home away from home) remembered that the color I was trying to match was the same one that we decided not to use in on the front wall in the front room, after we had bought it....and low and behold it matched perfectly! Score one for me!
The trim will be a deep gold and the other walls besides the alcove a sagey- green.
So walking in there and seeing color on the walls and no more fingerprints, and gashes from moving makes me insanely happy!
I love red!

Buying new before the others were completely gone goes against every grain of my being. But one thing I have had to come to accept about my dh is that it does not bother him.
Although another reason these make me insanely happy, is that we rarely rarely rarely ever buy anything new. Our current washer and dryer have been with us since our first house 18 years ago.
J has been itching to get new HE W&D for months now. And one thing he can very well be made infamous for, is his ability and endurance for finding good deals and sales.
These he has been researching style, quality, reading complaint posts, and finding sales for at least 8 months.
He got us these, basically two for the price of one, and same as cash until we get our tax check. Otherwise we never would have charged them. But because of his diligence, and bickering ability, and comparison shopping with his Excel sheets (yes, I said Excel sheets ~ and the sales girl at Sears was pretty impressed - oh yeah and I am supposed to announce that no one is to ever shop at Sears again....apparently price matching is not as advertised)
So while I was still unsure about replacing with new before the others had died, I couldn't argue.
There are some days I laugh and think J's worst nightmare would be one of our major appliances dying and his needing to replace it without months of research and bargain shopping.
And I tease him but this little quirk about him does allow us to have nicer things then we ever normally would.
So thanks honey!

Comparatively speaking......

Trying to force myself to finish this layout!
Started it two weeks ago....
A challenge was posted on a message board I surf....
Compare/contrast two things...
The first thing that came to mind was these two.....
so I managed to finish the details of the layout.....
but have yet to sit and make the lists...
so if I put it here, maybe I will be forced to do it,
these two are as different as night and day,
yet similar in many ways.....
Maybe some of you can help me out.....

He......
*has blue eyes
*quiet and reserved just like his Dad
*easy going
*sometimes I can forget he is even in the house
*loves his bike right now
*loves chicken fingers
*very kind and generous
*very protective and sweet with younger kids
*My "did you ever wonder...." kid, always wants to know more
*reminds me it is okay to get dirty
*MAKES MY HEART MELT WITH ONE LOOK

She......
*has brown eyes
*outgoing and gregarious yet anxious and shy at times
*likes to be in charge
*always makes her presence known
*loves tennis and not much other physical activity
*loves macaroni and cheese
*very kind and generous
*very sensitive to other people's feelings
*always on the side of the underdog
*not overly curious about much - takes most things at face value
*can drive me crazy in a heart beat
*MAKES MY HEART MELT WITH ONE LOOK

Sooo..........

"'Aging is not 'lost youth' but a new stage of opportunity and strength"

~Betty Friedan~

Photos by J. which explains the expression on my face! Took all my courage to pose for these.

Not only has it been weeks since I last blogged, I went and had another birthday!
This year I am really trying to take this quote to heart. Trying to enjoy the opportunities that this stage in my life afford me. "new stage of opportunity and strength."
I have admitted over and over that I am not handling growing older or watching my kids mature, at all gracefully. I have essentially been lead kicking and screaming.
Strength.
I have lacked it.
I feel stronger now than ever.
I have the strength to finally admit and expect what "I" need.
And that feels terrific.

"If we spent as much time feeling positive about getting older, as we do trying to stay young, how much different our lives would be." ~ Rob Brown

So, I am also trying very hard to internalize and live this quote a bit more.
Aging is not a priviledge given to everyone.
I am trying hard to embrace it, and love me the way I am.

I really sat down yesterday and forced myself to consider the last year. How far I have some, considering last year, I had just had my accident, was in a lot of pain, was over 60lbs overweight and honestly not very happy with myself.
In January, I made a decision, that it was time to make myself happy. No more sitting around waiting for someone else to do it.
I took my health, physical and mental, into my own hands, and made some changes.
In transforming, and returning to more of an attitude of gratitude, putting myself first again, I made some pretty dramatic changes.

I don't want myself to ever forget how it felt today to put on these jeans.
Come out of the dressing room, repeating, oh my god oh my god I am actually wearing a size 10!! Over and over.
The transformation over the last nine months, mentally and physically still surprise me sometime.
I am happy in the ways that matter right now.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I have a few more pounds to go, but can allow my self to relish the fact that I am not longer "obese" but "slightly overweight" according to my BMI.
I feel healthier now than I have in a very long time. Even the last time I was this thin, 6 or so years ago, I did not feel this well mentally.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be."

~Douglas Adams~


So no matter where the road leads me in the next year, I pray I can maintain this mental attitude , embrace the opportunities that my growing older affords me and embrace it all with a smile and new attitude.
I may have to put this picture on the frig, not only to remind myself of the size, but how honestly truly happy and content this person is right here, right now.
And she now has the strength and confidence to admit it.
I am ALLOWED to feel this way and be proud of it.
Wow.

Can you believe....

This is the only photo I have taken since the first day of school.
There are so many things that go through my mind every day,a nd I think,
oh I have to go write that down....
and don't.
Busy busy busy....
So here is the gang of outlaws....
they must be on the run...
when they come back to town,
I am sure the grown one will write something about it!

Do not my son and his daddy make pretty mean cowboys!
They took their part very seriously!
I think I need to get J. a cowboy hat and oil cloth coat, I like the look.

It happened again....

It happens every year.
Most years I dread it.
This year I thought I was ready.
Turns out, I was not.

Labeling folders and getting ready last night.
After an exhausting night rushing around at the Jr High for yet another orientation.

Highlighting her classrooms on the school map.
After she sat down and did this , at my suggestion, she felt much better and announced that she would be fine! I pray.

This guy actually got up without any trouble this morning. I was shocked and will take bets on how long it lasts. 6 am came REAL early this morning...

Miss "Yeah I am cool, it's all cool. I am not nervous".....

When did they get so tall??
Grown up?

I thought I was ready.
This was after all the "summer that wasn't" Very stressful for me.
Filled with nothing for all of us.
So I was ready for routine, school, normalcy.
Then why is there a lump in my throat just looking at this?
As weird as the summer was, I still love having them here.
Where they belong.
With me.
Forever.
(Yes I can try to deny it for as long as i want thankyouverymuch!....teeheee)

This gal pretty much sums up how we were both feeling this morning.
I don't even remember what it was I wanted to do on those frustrating mornings....
although I am watching GMA for the first time in months!

If they knew I took this picture they would KILL me.
Someone might see you mom!!
God forbid someone knows mom loves me and will miss me.

So it begins. Another school year.
Jr hi. Sr Hi.
All in one year.
We do it all the way!
No more elementary school.
No more school parties and cupcakes.
No more Secret reader days.
No more classroom helper.

This is going to take some getting used to,
but as I told K about highschool last night,
"Many have gone before you and lived to tell the tale!"

Already can't wait to see them later today.

They are taking over!

The spiders that it!
We have had a lot of rain.
And they love it.
Took these this morning...
This one goes from the ground/bushes up to the tree. To give you an idea
there is 24 inches between the rails on the fence.
This thing is huge!

This one is under the other tree. Same thing, from the bush up to the tree...but rather than being a perfect circle like the other one..this one reminds me of a cat's cradle pattern. You know when you make the broom? And the top is attached to the tree with an elaborate maze of strings. Pretty darn cool but would not show up on the picture..

And a small surprise for the mailperson!
The spiders love my gardens, and they eat the bugs! So it's a win win!

For the first time ever, right before we left for vacation, C and I were in the pool, and there was a web on one handle of the ladder. Well, we got it wet. For the first time ever, we watched the spider dismantle the web. It was so cool to watch her gather it up, lickety split it was gone!
We didn't put our hand on that side of the ladder for the rest of the day cause she hung out on the under side waiting for us to leave, and this spider was HUGE!

It's happening....

It's really happening.
High school.
Wow.

I thought going back to work at 6 weeks was hard.
I thought kindergarten was hard.
I thought Jr Hi was hard.
See a common thread here?
Always seemed to think each milestone was going to be the hardest.
The rest would be easier to accept.
Not that I am dragging my feet in the mud trying to deny that my kids are growing up.
Or the type of mom that will smother them to my breast until they are 20.
It is hard to describe the odd feelings.
It is a mixture of pride, happiness, melancholy, sadness for the loss of a "stage" that I was enjoying, anticipation, anxiety of what is to come.
I can't believe how time flies.
I can't believe the wave of emotion every time we come to one of these milestones.
Honestly thought each one would get easier.
I can say, they have not!
I am very proud of everything my kids accomplish and would never wish different.
So once again we step out onto a new unknown.
And it dawns on me, as much as i think this one will be the hardest, there are always going to be more...
college, moving out, marriage, kids of their own. trials and tribulations...there are still going to be more and more unknowns.
I guess for us mom's it never ends.
So here's to this one!
Let the excitement begin!

It's coming

I promise!! Can you believe I haven't downloaded the vacation pics yet?? I know I know what is wrong with me?? Maybe 14 loads of laundry, work Monday, Jr Hi orientation yesterday, scheduled to re-start physical therapy for my back tonight, meeting at the Sr Hi tomorrow am with K's counselor, then SOPHMORE orientation (I think I just threw up a little!) tomorrow night, as well as weigh in (After vacation most likely not good) then finally Friday will be FREE! School starts one week from today. The summer than wasn't is almost over! Will post vacation soon! Promise.

wasting the days away......

in Myrtle Beach...

so far the ocean has been divine and the weather even better.

we are toasted and relaxing.

One week....

And counting....

Books

It was funny when I read this comic sunday.....I had just been thinking over the weekend...after seeing one of these on sale in the paper.....

There very well may be a time, when our children or their children's children, do not open a real honest to goodness bound book. Their is realistically in the horizon a book-less world. My children already have no idea what the card catalogue is, or the Dewey Decimal System is. I can remember in Elementary school, and Jr High, going into the library and learning how to use the card catalgue, flipping through those little cards sorted by title , author or topic, and learning the DDS so I could help shelve books. We had to write down on a piece of scrap paper, the call numbers for the books we needed for our research
or that we wanted to read, and go in search of them.
Now the computer will tell them what they need, print it out, and even point them to the correct aisle. Heaven forbid no one does research in the library anymore. The internet is a wealth of immediate gratification.
Long gone are the days of pulling out Funk and Wagnalls, photocopying the pages you needed,
and returning those heavily bound volumes to the shelves.
Eventually, all books may even be available electronically....
where is the fun in that?
More screen time.
No binding to listen to crack for the first time when you get a new book?
No wonderful freshly printed smell.
Am I the only one that loves the library?
All those possibilities.
All the books yet unread.
The smell.
The hushed tones of everyone.
Explains my love affair with Barnes and Nobles, the fresh ink smell, fresh crisp magazines, yummy soft chairs just begging to be sat upon,
legs folded under to dive into a newly purchased book.
What are we going to pull out the little electronic book to read to our two year olds?
Not sure this would be progress or not.
I personally can barely stand reading an entire email on the large screen in front of me, let alone teeny tiny print on an electronic screen the size a large index card!
A world without books would be heartbreaking. The joy of reading has no age limits or even financial barriers considering that libraries are free.
Let's all pray it never gets to the point where books cease to exsist.
That would be a very sad day indeed.

in a funk

No, I don't smell.
Nor am I funky in an urban cool kind of way.
Just in a funk.
Can't shake it for the last week.
I don't get in a funk in the middle of the summer.
This has been the weirdest summer ever.
And for the first in my 10 years a mother of school age children,
I am anxiously awaiting the start of school.
Thinking I guess maybe that if we get back to the daily routine
and comfort of the daily routine I will feel better.
Other than the *big* events of K's birthday,
the summer has been void of the three of us doing anything of interest.
No trips to the library on my days off. My days off have been fewer, which is not helping.
I manage my depression by working part-time. Lame I know,
but it keeps off meds. My erratic schedule just adds to my stress level.
Totally self imposed, but isn't that the way it always is?
We are not swimming as much as usual.
I feel like the kids are spending way too much time alone, and I hate it.
But then again, they are much harder to entertain this year.
Gone are the days of idling by under a tree and sidewalk chalk.
I have not been in much of a state of gratitude lately,
and there is a lot to be grateful for
as well as things that are just proving to drain my spirit.
I just can't shake it. I do not do well with change or stress.
Both of which have been plentiful in the last two weeks.
Gotta snap out of it.
I haven't even had words lately. Nothing to say. No emotion. I tend to write when I have an extreme of emotion...be it anger, pride, happiness.
I have figured that out lately. I don't want to write when I am blah.
Maybe that is when I should write.
Maybe I don't want to remember this feeling, maybe that is why I don't write about it.
So here it is.
Out there.
I am blessed beyond belief,
why do I feel so empty?