The Tree

I really wish I had the ability to come up with kitschy eye catching titles…..but alas, I am not that creative!

Finally, got the tree decorated last night.

Photo credit to C – who was fascinated that each “sparkle” was 7 sided.

It’s been up and lit since last weekend.

I was beginning to think it was looking pretty nice with just the lights on it, but I finally got all of in one place at the same time, and got the miserable  girl teenager to quit whining about not wanting to bother with anything for the holiday come help us. Combine typical teenage apathy, with tendency toward depression, and sometimes our traditions aren’t so much fun.

She would only put “her” ornaments on, which is fine. Every year we purchase the kids a new ornament that hopefully represents in some way their interests from that year, and their personalities. When they leave, they will take their ornaments with them, to start their own tree.

“why”, she says, “I don’t even remember buying half of them!”. Fruitlessly, I try to get her to understand they will make her smile in a few years.

But she kept fighting with me about putting the “stupid” handmade ornaments on the tree. “They don’t match the ones from the store. “

How do you get a teenager whose world presently revolves around themselves, to really understand what this tree means to me.

Little hands that used to barely wrap around a Christmas ball, now hold it like a toy.

Blue and white bags from school that contained the Christmas craft, that neither child could wait for me to open, and show me their crafty treasure.

Sweet cheeky faces

Memories that seem a lifetime ago…..

Precious treasure, the only remaining, from *my* own childhood.

Gifts given from the heart by far flung friends.

Patient’s who give from their heart with what they can, to show appreciation and love.

Phases of childhood…..

Passions and princesses, that will most likely not been seen again…..

Family vacations, and the memories that remain…..

and private moments shared….

this is a wine glass wire ornament holding a cork from our anniversary trip to Seneca Lake.

Reminders that even after all these years, they still hang everything in one place, making me smile…………….

C’s section of the tree – in one square foot is Scooby and Shaggy, Yoda, Minions, bowling balls, Rudolph, Tron and Tweety bird.

This year’s selections – Characters from Up chosen by K because she loves the movie and the Grape Soda patch scene, and Tron the Legacy chosen by C

And reminders , that no matter how grown up they try to act, they are still my the same kids they have always been, and little glimpses of that childhood twinkle reveal themselves now and again.

I tell K, “Someday you’ll understand.”

It matters not if a tree is green, plastic or aluminum.  It only matters that it is decorated with smiles.
J. Allen Harrison

 

31 Days of Giving–Day 3 and 4

So far so good!!!

I am having trouble though. A lot of the things I am trying to do to “give” , I already do often. I started to talk myself out of using those for the challenge. But someone reminded me, it just means I try to be nice when no one challenges me, and just because I have done the tasks before, doesn’t mean they aren’t “nice” enough for the challenge!

I’ll get to yesterday in a minute.

I had made a batch of chocolate chip cookies on Friday.

“The best chocolate chip cookies ever!” ~~ according to my children.

Mom’s chocolate chip cookies – allrecipes.com

^{And no, I did not name them that.}

But honestly, chocolate chips cookies are not at the top of my list of favorite treats, but these are good. Very soft, and they stay soft, not just for a day or two.

C shared them a few weeks ago with his friends on “Tasty Tuesday” – their self appointed, “bring a treat for lunch to share” day – creative huh??

he told me yesterday how many of his friends have been asking when he was going to bring some in again. A friend even texted him yesterday, “I could really use some cookies”. K also told me there is a boy in her homeroom that has also been asking about the cookies since she had taken some for “breakfast” ( she’s a teenager, I give up!) and shared them with him.

So, I decided today – day 4 --  I would make a fresh batch and send them to school with each of them. Cheap and easy for me. Love that their friends will be glad to get a nice treat. Feels nice, and filled my day and my heart while I was making them.

so, anyway – Saturday – day 4.

I set off to take some meals to a friend whose  husband  was injured and has just come home from the hospital. It is sort of one of my “things” that I do when there is nothing else I can do. I know all too well  the relief of having a meal ready to go in the refrigerator when life seems to have gotten the better of you, so new neighbors, sick friends and family, and the like get meals from me.  This was supposed to be my “giving” for the day. (I am also have some difficulty with limiting to one thing a day! ) But like I was saying, it wasn’t sitting real well with me, as “fitting” for the challenge, since it is something I do often.

After I left her house, I had to pick up some things from the Giant for dinner last night. I chose my check out line, and loaded my things on the conveyor, behind a young woman with a toddler. You can’t help but see and over hear as you stand there. The cashier read her the total, and she asked is all of the discounts has come off, and I could tell she looked a bit uneasy.  She pulled out five gift card/cash card looking cards, I heard her tell the cashier each was $25, and she would have to go out to her car for some more money. After the cards were processed, she was still about $25 short of her total. I know welfare assistance has been using cards instead of food stamps but wasn’t aware they were in small denominations but I can’t help but assume that these were some sort of assistance for her. I also know the area around this Giant does have a large apartment complex for low income families.  I honestly, was in no hurry, the cashier apologized and even the woman behind me with a baby, was very laid back and patient. I was impressed with her actually. I chatted amicably with the cashier, who was older than your usual pimple faced teen, about our brown thumbs for indoor plants and working on Saturdays, and she kept thanking both of us for our patience.

The young woman returned, with what appeared to be bank cards in her hands. She carried no purse. She scanned one debit card, and whatever was in that account still left her about $5 short, and she scanned the second card, and that still left her $1.24 short of her total.

Now, I have been blessed to never in my life have had to even come close to draining my checking account to buy groceries for my family. when we need something, we go buy it. Our refrigerator is rarely empty.  I had toyed with the idea of paying her $25 balance for her while she was out at her car, but didn’t want to assume she didn’t have what she needed to pay and make her feel as though I was judging her.  I like to think someone would do the same for me if the need arose.

But, she kept looking around, and started to look in her bags, I am assuming for something to return. She was giving the cashier a rather pleading look.  I reached into my wallet, pulled out $2 and quietly slid it over the belt to the cashier, putting my fingers to my lips to let her know I really did not want this young woman to know what I was doing.

But darn it, she waved the money at the girl, punched it all in, and asked if *I* wanted my change back! ugh. I said, no thank you, indicating that she should give it to the young woman. The young mother looked at me and thanked me , but I could tell was very embarrassed, and would not look me in the eye.  She turned to leave very quickly, and did not return my “Merry Christmas” when I called after her.

I was a bit heart sick , since my intention was not to embarrass her, judge her, or make her think my motives were to get her out of the way so our line would finally move. I have no idea what she was thinking or feeling.

The cashier when on and on to make a big deal out of it, as she checked out my groceries.  I told her it was no big deal. I was blessed to never have been in her shoes and could share with her. I felt bad that my heart wasn’t big enough to give her the $25.  It actually made me sad that such a small gesture deserved such accolade simply because so few people would have done it.

My heart was light, yet heavy at the same time as I left. I prayed that the young woman would see the care in my gesture, and was grateful that if nothing else, I had left a mark and a smile on the cashier’s face and hopefully she would pay my gesture forward in some way of her own.

As wonderful as it felt to hear my friend tell me what a difference I made in her day Friday, it was just as difficult to see the embarrassed look at that young woman’s face. I guess we can be judged for not giving, but there are times we may be judged and not leave the impression we intended even when we do give.

31 Days of Giving –Day 2

This was my surprise for today.

I woke up this morning and literally asked myself what I should do today, and a certain person’s name popped into my head, and I immediately knew what I wanted to do.

So I packaged up a nice bottle of wine…..

and intended to be anonymous, but it didn’t turn out the way I planned. But, you know what??

Seeing my friend’s reaction was the best!

When she said, “You have no idea who much I needed this today!”……

Told you I am a quote whore…

“And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two! “

You will remember one of my goals of this project was to improve my outlook on the holiday season, remember the true meaning and cheer myself up.

As I drove away, with a wonderful smile pasted like a stupid fool on my face, I could literally feel a warmth growing in my chest, and I really thought of this clip from the Grinch.

The.feeling.was.palpable.

Nice.

Peek-a-boo

::::: wipes off the cobwebs :::::

:::: Peeks around the corner ::::::

:::: blows the dust off the calendar ::::

Flip

flip

flip

flip

flip

Well, would you look at that.

December 1, 2011 -

YES, 11.

Seems to have been awhile since I stopped by.

So, what brings me back you are asking yourself.

A wee little challenge presented by a friend, reminded me, that one, I DO have a blog, and I DO miss writing. So I have decided to combine her challenge with cracking the ol’ knuckles and getting back in the game.

31 Days of Giving Challenge

I really liked her idea.

So I am going to do my best to do something special for someone for the next 31 days.  I already have a few things up my sleeve.

Any of you that know me, know I consider myself very blessed, warts and all, and I try very hard to live in an attitude of gratitude and practice kindness. Been in an awful funk lately and thought this was the perfect way to draw myself out of it.

Because I am a quote whore..

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

So, I am going to take Mr. Twain’s advice and cheer myself up by trying to cheer others up. I am also going to really try hard to get the kids involved. As they have evolved into these teenage creatures that now live on the couch in the front room, in front of their lap tops and texting, it seems that some of things that I have taught them are lost in there somewhere. So hopefully, this will help draw it out.

Today’s act of kindness……I am starting small. One has to work up to these things you know.

when I stopped for my latte this afternoon, I remembered that is has been quite awhile since I had bought my son his favorite donut.  I picked one up, left it on the counter for after school, and you know what he says --

“Is that for me? “

“Yes, honey, it has your name on it”

“why?” .

“Just because”,

“cool”

Mission accomplished.

I also tortured my daughter, who has been having a bad day.

Remember this guy?

And here is the story of how and why he came to live with us.....

And it is no secret that K  hates him. She thinks his eyes are creepy.  So, while she was at work tonight, and I was unpacking the Christmas stuff, because I am a wonderful mother who would never torture her child I innocently placed him on a shelf  I put him on her bed.

She was supposed to come home, go upstairs to change her clothes and find him. Mean? Sure!! But she would yell at me, throw him at me, and laugh. That was my goal. Problem was, she went on Facebook first! And evil me couldn’t help gloating about my little trick. We are laughing about it though, so it’s all good.

In looking over the last few years of Decembers while looking for Duncan Bob’s post, I discovered a general theme of melancholy with me this time of year. Funny, each year I seem to have amnesia of last year, and feel as though this is a whole new feeling. Seems the last few years have been stressful. I honestly usually deal much better than this….have to remedy that. So THANKS AUDS! I am hoping your challenge will do the trick! 

Do not adjust your screen…..

It’s a post.

Yup.

Your screen is not broken.

I am writing.

Well, sort of….

I am promising to write!!

We got away last weekend.

Need to write about that…..

school….

Summer.

Yup, 12 weeks not six as indicated on the program.

Kicking my butt.

I actually read this sentence today -

“The critical comparison is between RT2 when preceded by S1 versus RT2 when S1 is not presented at all; that is, the “control RT2” is a measure of RT2 when the subject does not have S1 presented at all”

Honestly. Yeah. Behavior and cognition studies.

So, I am a bit distracted.

Blame Facebook as well.

I post there. But in the raw honesty that I usually use here.

K is holding her own, but we are still on the roller coaster, and that drains me. she is really struggling with her friends right now and feeling alone. My heart just breaks sometimes for the things that are so out of my control, and I know hurt her soul.

I am trying my best to use my strategies to maintain my sanity.

Trying to fit some quiet time in every day.

School is out next week.

In one week I will have a SENIOR in the house.

A SENIOR!!??

Wasn’t it just 1986 last week, and I was curling my bangs, spraying aquanet, and packing my stirrups pants, scrunchies and “word processor” for college??

We’ve been to NY in the April.

Need to write about that.

I have vowed to appreciate and spend time by the pool this year, even if it means I study there. Reminds me of the summer of 1988 – neuroanatomy – my first summer class in college. The end of my summer’s off. Only I laid on the beach to study, not by the pool, wore a bikini, not a tankini, and sat with my bff, not two teenagers! The following summer was my first clinical rotation, and the following was graduation.

boy, you know I am “off” when I looked back through my pictures, there are few of the kids other than our trips.

So, thus ends a random blog post about basically nothing.

But it’s a start!

Personal protest

Tomorrow is the third day of spring…….

 

and they are predicting a few inches of snow and sleet and freezing rain……..

Today, in my own personal protest, I headed to the nursery and bought some pansies. My own color.

Who can be depressed with a pansy is smiling at you!?

I am hoping smiling back at them will get me through the next two days!!!

March

Hi!

It’s been awhile.

Guess I am still in my winter funk.

March has been eventful around these parts.

This young man, and yes, he is rapidly turning into a young man, got his braces off on the 1st.

He has been storing up candy and gum anticipating the day!

And, he does NOT have to get on his tip toes to put his arms around his dad’s shoulders.

Dad is smiling because the payments on the braces are done!

she is just smiling because that is what she does.

A lot more lately too.

That is good to see.

Then,

he goes and turns 14.

FOURTEEN!

I am so proud of the smart, silly, goofy, loveable, kind, sweet, soft-hearted young man he is becoming.

And a poem K wrote about her brother, when I asked her….I will share more of her poetry tomorrow.

His crystal blue eyes

His crystal blue eyes ~

The gateway to the gears and levers.

They never stop moving ~

From “how much money can I make in a week?”~

To “Is there anyone in the world who doesn’t like fried chicken?”

From the chubby baby,

to the giant 14 year old.

From Legos and Transformers,

to Pokemon and Hess trucks.

he’s got it all.

The goofy grin ~

the sense of compassion and comfort,

he’s got the curly hair

and the slouched shoulders.

From the computer whiz,

to the boy with all the questions in the world~

He is C*****, and we love him.

 

 

Maintenance

Yeah, well, your 40’s.

I am a good two years in.

I have accepted the fact that certain clothing styles are just not going to happen for me anymore, but mom jeans will never grace my closet….

But this?

I am relating more to the old people parent figures in all my favorite tv shows recently, and rolling in the aisles at the 80’s pop culture references that surface – wine coolers on Modern Family!! I mean, seriously our favorite “alcohol” of choice in 1985!!

Not that I ever indulged in alcoholic beverages before the age of 21, and I am simply going on the experience of, um, a friend. yeah.  Sir Fartsalot though had expensive tastes even then, as he preferred the most expensive Bartles and James. Let’s just be clear, he was “of age” and did get the stuff totally legally – honest!

Thank goodness maturity has brought us to a nice cabernet now!

I usually prided myself in the fact that I am not real vain. I like to look nice but usually once I am finished in front of the mirror in the morning, I  don’t “primp” later. I now find myself slowing down in the Olay Regenerist aisle and thinking that maybe that $25 tube may be on to something.

I am not to proud to say I knew without a shadow of a doubt I would be coloring my hair. Was very proud of the fact that I had hit 40, with just a few stray greys…..

How is it that hitting 40 seems to have kicked those suckers into high gear?? Well, 2cnd gear anyway, as I am sure I am exaggerating just a bit.

But let’s see what I didn’t expect….

The chin hair? I mean, seriously!? The moustache and uni-brow are not enough? I have to start sprouting wiring dark black, old lady chin hair?  You know those poor Polish grandmothers old ladies you see, sporting a goatee and lip-stache? yeah, I will be one of those when I no longer care enough or am too blind to see them any longer! Just in time, to match my son’s chin and upper lip hair! Guess C and I can have a bonding moment over a razor!

Insomnia.

Pu-leeze! I have not slept more than 5 hours a night, if that in months!  Benadryl and the couch are my best friends at the moment.

And what happened to my muscle tone?? Honestly!

The pain in my right big toe, that I could swear is gout, but is “probably just arthritis” – oh yeah, that is so much better! “Sensible shoes” will never ever enter my wardrobe, thus enter the never ending search for cute comfortable shoes!

Starting my on-line classes have made my failing vision all the more apparent. The sudden need to squint at the computer screen and  slow down a bit to “browse” the “readers” display at CVS are a telltale sign that it won’t be long until I am sporting a pair of readers, let’s hope they won’t be a on a chain! I do have to maintain some dignity! A quick web search revealed to me that “nerd glasses” are the new hip thing, so maybe I will get me a pair of those!

Now that I have just painted such a gorgeous picture of myself, perhaps we should broach the subject of how dangerous it can be to sneeze while standing, and God forbid, with a full bladder!!

Really? You don’t want to go there?

Well, honestly – I don’t either!

Wonder Why……

I am not sure if it is only my kids or not.

But it seems as though, their ability to converse is directly connected to riding in the car.

So much so, I almost want to start to make up reasons to go out somewhere!

Last night I got home a bit earlier than usual, and I came home to the typical scene, of Sir Fartsalot and each of the kids nose first in some sort of screen. As the kids have gotten older, this is more common a scene that used to be.

So, after a bit I suggested that I needed to go to Micheal’s to look for a poster frame for work, and then we could go for treats. well, that got a response!

After that last shot, he insisted on this one. Damn, I love this kid.

So, we all piled into the car and off we went. Well, you would think someone opened a dam of words in the back seat. Suddenly, they were discussing things, telling me about their day and other interesting things going on this week, and on and on. I love to just sit in the front seat and listen to them. They rarely bicker and if they do it is a light hearted banter about who is right, usually about something neither really truly knows about. I can’t help but sit in the front seat and smile.

Yes, she is letting her hair grow out again, and dyed her bangs blonde. It’s only hair and she likes it.  

They both insisted on getting a craft at Micheal’s, which they know I can never deny them. I guess some things will never change. It was nice to sit at the table when we got home, listening to K coach C on how to work his scratch picture, and encourage him. She is so much better with being more engaged in activities and being more interested. She got a moccasin kit, and I just had to smile to listen to her ask him for help, and him to offer. She stuck to it a lot longer than I expected, which is also an awesome improvement. She has a way to go yet, but it is so nice to see some progress in the right direction, finally!  They didn’t even turn the tv on when we got home!! See why I want to make up reasons to go out!

I have said it before, and I will say it again, I am blessed. These two have such a wonderful relationship, and really do like each other. I know each has the other’s back no matter what. I am also very lucky that they still don’t mind hanging out with us.

I am also so lucky, that I have two teenagers in the house, and this scene can still play itself out. Chatter from the back seat, crafts being done at the table, and mom smiling.

Yes, life is difficult at times, and usually just when I think I can’t cope one minute longer, I get s glimpse at the good, the happy, and the

Scary statistics…..

Since I have started my online classes, the one thing I have been enjoying is reading some current literature. It is becoming a running joke at work, that I keep coming in, and saying throughout the day, when a particular patient is relevant, "I read this article the other day/last night/yesterday......." we laugh because I am starting to sound eerily similar to Alyson Hannigan's character in American Pie, "this one time, in band camp....." But I digress......

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah,

So I read the article last night……teehee…..

That had some pretty interesting statistics to present…..because it reconfirmed to me, one of things I am realizing since staring my DPT classes, is how behind I have fallen in keeping up with research, although I do attend continuing education courses and think I pride myself in good quality care…..

In a Feb 2005 article in the Annals of Internal Medicine, they  reviewed a total of 62 samples and reported on the relationship between medical knowledge/quality of healthcare and number of years in practice/physician age.

Now what is one criteria most of us use in choosing a doctor??  Typically age/experience.

Well – it seems this may not be a good barometer….

In 32 of the 62 samples, they concluded performance decreased on ALL outcomes assessed as years in practice increased. In another 13, no positive association between number of years in practice and better performance.  The remaining 16 showed a mixture of increased, decreased or no association between experience and quality. Only ONE sample showed a correlation between all outcomes and years of experience. 

People,

That is scary!!

Of course, this is not all inclusive, and there are physicians out there that keep up on current literature, and use research evidence to back up their treatments. As well as the realization that apathy can increase with experience, leading physicians to possibly make assumptions, instead of listening to us, the patient.  In the radiology course I am taking, many studies we have read, indicate that primary care or family physicians had the highest over utilization of diagnostic tests, and the hypothesis is, that they have a weaker “specific” knowledge of certain things,and thus order lots of testing in hopes of “finding” something they may not know how to look for otherwise.

it just means, we as consumers need to be very selective and not afraid to speak up, advocate for ourselves and change doctors if we are not satisfied with our treatments. I tend to seek out specialist, if there is something more specific wrong, than the run of the mill head colds, ear infections etc. I feel, and this is my own personal observation, at least a specialist has had further training in more specific areas, than the broad training that primary care doctors receive. We really need to ask questions, do some research ourselves and KNOW your body. Many many doctors do things, just because it is how they have always done it.

Just felt the need to “pass it on” – and sorry, I can’t promise this to be the last,

“I read this article the other day……..” post!

Saturday Seven

Let’s see if I can come up with seven things….guess I could chose six, since that goes with Saturday too, but Saturday seven just sounds better than Saturday Six…..

One.

It is still a monochromatic icy world here…..ick.

Two.

I am trying to embrace it by taking pretty pictures….

Diamonds keep falling from the trees…

Three.

Things with K are looking up. She is going back to school Monday, and is really excited to have some friends over tonight. That – is a good thing.

Four.

I am trying hard not to be a cranky mom who has had a long week and does not really honestly feel like bothering with her teenager having friends over tonight.

Five.

Going to NYC tomorrow to see Addams family with some girlfriends. Looking forward to that! Think it will look like this again???

Yeah, I doubt it too, but a girl can dream eh?? Come to think of it, I never did blog about that day…….

Six.

I seriously need to get a handle on my healthy eating again. I have gone off the wagon wayyyyy too far, and am not feeling well at all. Guess if I put it out here again, and make myself accountable I will HAVE to do it. I lost all that weight, looked great, felt great and kept it off for over a year! Why can I not get a grip now, I can not tell you.

Seven.

Would someone please tell me when this man moved into my house? he will be 14 in one month. There is hair on his upper lip. He has out grown his bed. He can help me start and run the snow blower. he is wearing the same size pants as his dad, just two inches smaller in the waist.  he hates to brush his teeth and take a shower. eats constantly, but still gives hugs. Where did my baby go!?

Ms. Stefanie!!!

Dear Long Lost Friend,

I miss you! Please don't just post and run! :) Email me!

Love,
Me

PS you are lucky I can not lay my hands on a picture to post! ;)