Mother's Day

As I scanned my last few posts, it really became apparent how wordless I really have been lately. Lots floating around the old noggin, but not a lot coming out in an understandable form.
The last few weeks have been really really full of missing this person.
Mom.
A lot of things happening on many fronts in the last few weeks, have just led to, even after all these years, missing her presence and dare I say wisdom in my life.
She lived in interesting all be it short life, and when she had an opinion you knew it, and most of the time she was right.

I try hard not to dwell on the negative,
but there are just days the hole just seems so much bigger than usual.
I wonder...
what she would think about this or that...
what she would tell me about this or that....
what she thinks of the grandchildren, and how they have grown and the people they are becoming....
what would she say about me as a mother....
what advice would she give me as one mother to another....
what childhood memory would she remind me of when I am complaining, or telling her about something the kids did.
I think that is what I miss the most.
The ability to go to her, question, ask about me at that age, or what she did in this or that situation.
But one thing I do know.
A lot of who I am as a person and a mother is largely due to her. {And I do have to give some credit to my grandmothers as they were a huge impact on me as well}
So I take some comfort in hoping that I am doing something right and that I am making her proud.
Miss you mom,
Happy Mother's Day in heaven.

You are the reason, my only real true goal in life is to raise strong healthy kids, and one day get to be the hands-on-involved, be-there-for-them-when-they-need-you, play-with-them grandmother you never got to be.
{in about 20 years!}