Photo watercolored by a friend of mine.
It’s no mystery that I am not a huge fan of winter.
I tolerated it when the kids were small and excited to be out sledding and playing.
Although I will admit there is littler prettier than a cardinal in the snow. This always makes me think of my grandmother who loved birds in general, particularly cardinals. She used to cut pictures out of magazines and keep them in a book. When she passed, there was more than one cardinal photo in that book. God, I miss her too.
I do not like layering, bundling, being cold, looking at grey skies, staying in, not walking, and dreary days…..
Not to mention, rearranging my schedule at work every three days, and trying to get a wheelchair dependent elderly person to and from multiple doctor appointments in bad weather,depending on a limited wheelchair van schedule, adding insult to injury.
This is one of the worst winters we have had in our area in a few years. I have gotten rather complacent with the warmer than average winters with short storms and warm days.
This just so happens to come on the heels of a very difficult few months for me. Adding insult to injury.
Sometimes when life has been throwing spit balls at you for a few months, it makes dodging the little things even harder.
My “coping skills” are heavily dependent on sunshine, outdoor activities, my garden, and did I mention sunshine? When I feel stressed on a difficult day, these chairs would include a book, and my shades…..
The pond is iced over. No bubbling sounds, to waterfall, no bon fire. No singing birds and coffee taken on the deck on a Sunday morning.
Did I mention that I did not take ONE picture in January??
Coincidence? I think not.
I love this one, because I love leading lines. Why is nothing in life ever this straight and true? Mental health and a teenager are no picnic to deal with. Add to it, the doctors messing around with medications at a transitional time in said teenagers life. Not a good combination. not only dealing with normal teenager issues, that have been complicated by suicidal thoughts and self injuring. Yeah, it’s no picnic. Some well meaning folks need to stop telling me, “you just need to ….”
Add to it, right before said teenager issues, I decided to make a less than successful job change. yeah. Smart. Not. Paychecks still variable and not guaranteed but grateful for options. Grateful my choices years ago afford me choices now.
But this face helps a lot.
So I set out in our last major storm, and was intent on finding the beauty. This is a metaphor for my life right now in more ways that one. The beauty in the difficult times within our family right now as well as the beauty in this Godforsaken thing called winter.
As well as the motto : ”One day at a time.”
Never been more applicable.
Things are settling down now. Which is a good thing. Eggshells are still being walked upon, but sleep is not so elusive.
So I wake up every day, and look for the beauty through the stress.
Some days it is easier than others, and every day I am grateful for friends who understand and can offer non-judgmental love, support and advice. There are just some people who will not understand and that is ok too.
For some reason, I have also gotten the urge to write. I find myself posting tidbits on Facebook rather than truly writing anymore. But, this is a much better place to “save” these thoughts. The last few nights I have lain in bed concocting posts. So the itch is back. I find that it is harder to find the words in the difficult times. But it is just as important to note these periods of our lives as well. I have always focused on the positive things in our lives instead of the struggles, and of course it is much easier to share those periods. My life is still blessed in so many ways, but it does not mean there are not dark times as well, and I am no less grateful for the good things simply because I deal with the challenges.
Could it be worse? Oh , most certainly.
Does it make the struggles any easier or less valid? No.
Perspective is an interesting thing.
Sorry, kitchen’s closed due to snow.
2 comments:
Very well said my friend. Writing is a good way to navigate the waters of our troubles, and I look forward to reading more of what you have to say. Hang in there, spring is rushing in our direction, one day at a time!
Well done, Andi. For me, I have not written much on my old Blog in a few weeks. It seems that I don't have many people reading it, so it puts a damper on my writing.
I've also had another problem and that is I found out that there are some who read it, and then make fun of the whole thing. I don't take too kindly about this. Sorta piss's me off.
The snow we've been having along with the darn freezing weather keeps me inside pretty much. I do like to get "out there" with my Pentax K10D, but I'm not much of a cold weather person. I'm hanging in there like most of us are waiting for some warmer weather.
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