As I was looking for pictures that MUST accompany a blog post, it has become glaringly obvious, that year after year, I seem to take very few pictures in January. It is just so grey, cold, bland and frankly, we are not winter lovers, so we do very little to photograph. I hate the lack of color in the winter, although the tone on tone white can be captivating. This year, compounded by a pretty emotional month, does not make for wonderful photography moments.
so I took a few the other day, during an ugly ice storm we had . (I wish it would just freakin’ snow a good snow already, get it out of it’s system, instead of this piddly couple inches here and there just enough to make a mess and life annoying….but I digress)
And as I was standing out there freezing my but off trying to be artistic with my shots without going too far out in the rain. I realized how akin to the weather I usually feel this time of year, particularly this year.
Frozen. Cold. Numb.
Depression is a nasty thing. Watching someone you love struggling is even worse. Things with K have really been rough this past week. I have worked through depression, but not at the age of sixteen.
And this is exactly how she describes herself, cold inside.
Oh honey, I have so been there.
If one more person says, “she seems fine to me.” I may just scream. I am not sure what people expect depression to look like, or figure there must be an easy way to tell. But then again, I digress and will not travel down that road right now. Let me just say plastering on a smile and pretending (you can read my own take on that here) is a powerful thing. She tries so hard to hide it all, because she knows we love her , knows how she is “supposed”and she doesn’t want us to worry.
Some day soon, this will all melt.
Although appearing to be frozen solid, deep down these plants fight the cold, continue to live, and will one day real soon turn green again, bloom , grow and be enjoyed.
And my prayer is that she will too. She will thaw, warm up, grow, face her challenges and in the end bloom, turn her face to the sun and enjoy life again.
And just because I have to have some color…..and because I always try to look on the bright side and be grateful……
Sure sign of the end of the storm, is the return of the birds to the feeder. Glad that it makes me pause, smile and appreciate.
2 comments:
Know exactly what you mean!! She will warm and face the sun again. With a mom like you, how could she not?! I look back at my suicide attempts as a teenager and think "what the heck was wrong with me?". She will too. :o)
Big hugs. I understand.
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