New Year……

Seeing that it is January 4, 2011, I figure I better write a New Year’s post!

2010 has been an interesting  amazing and incredible year. I have chosen to dub it

“The Year of Metamorphosis”

The kids have morphed, and along with them it has caused a reactive metamorphosis in me.

See what I mean?? and he is bending over a bit in the second picture!! METAMORPHOSIS baby!!

I know if I look at every year of their lives, I could post pictures of dramatic physical changes. This year, however, watching them both morph into teenagers, is a different experience all together. As much as their have been physical changes, the emotional changes have been greater.

In dealing with K’s depression and making it my own goal to be more at peace with life in general, as well as making time together a big focus of our lives this year, as well as their own growth and maturity, there has been a shift on the dynamics of our house. K alone has caused more ups and downs between pushing us away and at the same time, clinging and drawing us back, it has made our heads spin!

There is a balance of desperately clinging letting go gradually of their physical dependence on me, but also realizing they still need me, just in a different way. 

Giving them some independence and yet, also enjoying and reinforcing the importance of our time together as a family.  Luckily, they are not embarrassed to be seen with us, and I try very hard to maintain enough “cool” without giving up the “mom” as I can.

December 31, 2010

And, yes, to cap off the year, and end it with an exclamation mark, K finally earned the grades she needed and then passed her permit test.

I guess it is a perfect way to sum up the year. And driving with her today for the first time, my brain could not help but draw similarities between teaching her to drive and the changes we have had this year. We are giving her more independence and yet, she still needs us there in the passenger seat, encouraging, guiding, helping – at times, digging our feet into the floor boards, and at times relaxing and enjoying the ride.  She is trying to take control of her wheel but is nervous, unsure and cautious, but at other moments reckless and moving a bit too fast.

Again, this is another stage in life where there is no one that can really tell you what you are going to feel and experience. I thought things would be “so much easier” as they got older. While yes, things may be physically less stressful – no chasing toddlers, sleepless nights, lifting/carrying and temper tantrums right?  Each one is just replaced with a different type of stress, although some are not too far off, sleepless nights of worry, temper tantrums at times for sure, and making sure they are where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there, just involves monitoring rather than carrying now.

I am finally starting to be at peace with where I am as a mom right now, at peace with the changes happening in our home and life, and feeling more comfortable in this new place.It’s been a rough year of change for all of us. I pray we have tackled the worst, and are on the right road. I am looking forward to this coming year, and can’t help but wonder what is in store.