From Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul on
I got this Chicken Soup book for K for Christmas. She enjoyed it, and gave it to me. I loved it, and this poem struck me hard. As she said, this describes my life right now.K has had a rough week and some things have fallen into an "aha" moment Friday night. Her therapist finally got her to open up a bit about her anxiety at school and how she still feels picked on and ridiculed. (She has taken on the "I don't care about them" attitude for so long and finally shared with us Friday night that she does care, and hurts more than she will share, cause she said she is afraid to let it out) - Anyway - some history...you see boys with ADD and probably some of the auditory issues that K has had/and still deals with, usually settle into the role of class clown, and goof off, and boys can be incredibly accepting to their differences. Girls on the other hand, are not. They are out and out mean. K has been set apart by the other girls in her classes, since elementary school. Nothing hurt my heart more than to be helping in class, and see another girl give K one of *those* looks (and if you have ever been a ten year old girl you know what I mean) - that "you are so weird" sneer. She has also often been set apart by her teachers, innocently enough, because she needed extra help or tutoring etc. She had a few close friends in the neighborhood here, but not too many other real "friends" that called or hung out with her. Social situations were challenging for her, she had a tough time following converstation if too many people were talking at once. She often would laugh inappropriately to distract from the fact that she didnt' know what was going on. Many girls were just not comfortable around her when they didn't understand her behavior. Add to this the fact that she has thick curly sometimes bushy hair. Need I say more? I am not sure anyone has been outwardly cruel to her, but tolerated her, and did not go out of their ways to befriend her.
In the last year, with her therapy, she has made INCREDIBLE strides in this area. being more socially appropriate, being able to communicate better , paying more attention to her appearance and clothes, and hair etc, and has more friends hanging out with her and calling her now than ever before. She still struggles with anxiety, all be it better,no more full out panic and anxiety attacks, she still struggles. She finally shared her frustrations on Friday night - that the four new kids that came into school have become instantly "popular" while she has tried for years and isn't, as well as sharing her feelings that when she is walking down the hall ALL the kids are talking about her and laughing at her . (She also has been having more direct problems with a boy that has the next locker to hers harrassing her daily - that WILL be taken care of tomorrow however) - This stems from some idiots who have made comments to her like about things she writes on her notebooks, like the fact that she loves her dog..or her hair...etc...idiot comments from kids who don't matter, but to K it does matter. She is very sensitve and emotional, and takes it all to heart. So since some boy told her she has frizzy hair that must be how all the kids feel, even though she says her friends tell her every day otherwise. her group of friends seems to be the "misfits" of the Jr High world. So we talked about it, her therapist wants to talk to all of us a bit more next week since he feels that these anxieties are probably distracting her from being able to concentrate in class etc. Maybe explain her inconsistent performance. Her anxiety is high enough that she can't eat in the morning. I also shared with her, that I know exactly how she feels, I was teased, made fun of and picked apart in Jr Hi and Hi school. She could not believe it! "But mom, you are so perfect!" - all I want to say, is "darling, if you only knew it has tken 30 years for me to be comfortable in my skin, I wish I could fast forward time for you." But I can't. I also reminded her that the entire social structure will get rearranged come 10th grade when the two Jr Hi's combine. We also told her how important it is to share it with us. While we can't "fix" it, letting it out will help. She has to work through the trials of being the average teenager (like asking me this morning what she should tell a friend who shared with her that she was scared because she caught her brother smoking something at home and doesn't know what to do about it) as well as adding the complication of her diagnosis to the mix. We are doing the best we can as her parents to give her the tools to cope and feel confident and loved. It is all we can do. We know she is a creative, wonderful, caring, incredibly forgiving,playful, energetic soul. She is beautiful from the inside out.
If I could take these growing pains from her, I would in a minute. Silly silly me, simply thought as a parent if I could have the money to give my kids a nice house, and the latest style clothes - they would be accepted and not teased as I was in my cheap knock offs, mobile home and Sears shoes. I also never in a million years anticipated having to deal with the diagnoses we have had and issues that come with them. Life truly is a learn as you go adventure.
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