Beautiful things

These make me happy.

Thank goodness!!

This is one reason I believe it is very important to me, and I suppose most humans, to surround ourselves with things that we love. To me, that is beautiful things, things that smell good, and warm cozy things.

This morning was one of those mornings when I wonder why God thought I was good enough to be my children's mother. There are just some days where I am certainly not the mother I want to be. Having kids with attention issues who are not morning people, I have had to resign myself to the fact that my morning will never be smoothly flowing and stress-free. Accepting that has helped tremendously. But sometimes even on the best planned, clothes laid out, lunches packed mornings, when I find Chris in his room suddenly looking for something he remembered - which immediately becomes the most important thought in his head - when he is supposed to be in the bathroom brushing his teeth, after already being 20 minutes behind because he wouldn't get out of bed - I lose it. I get exhausted from the anger at me because I can't suddenly stop the clock and keep the bus from being on time. Focus impaired children do not do well with deadlines and getting ready for school is one big deadline. So - this morning was one of those mornings that after giving big kisses, I love you's and have a good days - I wave and shut the door behind them, turn around, lean against it and heave a sigh of relief. Guilt and sadness for feeling that way takes over. I hate starting my days like this.

Then, I walk into the kitchen, go to the sink to wash a few dishes before I get my breakfast, and happen to notice that my african violets had bloomed seemingly in that instant. I hadn't noticed that yesterday. I immediately feel better. This is why it is important to surround myself with things that I love and make me happy. I love pretty things, things that smell good, pretty colors.....these make me happy.

These flowers have especially important meaning to me. I am going to finally put this story in print. I rescued these african violets from my mom's house after she died. When we were cleaning her things out for me dad, I discovered these water starved and near death in her bedroom window. I brought them home, and started praying I could save them. I can grow anything outside. My perennial beds, I feel, I pretty and colorful. But I am not notorious for my ability to keep potted plants alive. I kept them on the huge kitchen window sill we had in the old house, and watered them , and prayed. I lost one, but these other two somehow recovered, but never bloomed. A year later, I was puttering around the house one afternoon, feeling particular sad and depressed. We were getting ready to go on vacation, back to Myrtle Beach, where we were when mom died, and we were approaching the one year anniversary. This day I was packing and just allowing myself a day of self-pity. I crossed the kitchen to the frig, which was right next to the window sill. As I opened the refrigerator door, I happened to glance over to the sill and notice there were two tiny little purple flowers on both plants! Their first blloms in my house! I, of course, immediatly started to cry, but also felt such a feeling of peace. Everything was going to be ok. At that moment, it was clear. We would be ok. That was nearly 7 years ago. They are still alive and bloom quite often.
This is why I try my best to surround myself with things that I love that make me happy. Once in awhile, a small bloom can change your whole day.