Apparently......

Apparently, I post silly pictures when I have only taken like four pictures in the month of January...
and these guys make me smile when I see them every morning,
and since every blog post needs a picture, these guys win today!
These we have dubbed "grass dudes", Santa put them in the kids' stockings.
Todays Chia pet I guess.
"Weed heads" got vetoed for obvious reasons.......
the silly faces certainly remind me of the kids though!

Apparently, my blogging has been missed.
I have gotten my sixth or seventh email today wondering if we were ok,
and where have I been.
How sweet!
Why on earth anyone but our family wants to read what I have to say is crazy to me.
I am not snarky, nor do I live on an interesting cattle ranch,
take awesome pictures, post tremendous cooking posts,
live an interesting lifestyle worthy of writing about or
anything else remotely interesting.
Nor do I have a talent for writing and
expressing interesting debatable thoughts on a daily basis.
So the fact that anyone reads this at all.....
So,
cool.
And since it is really for me, well then so be it.

And apparently,
I am not very good at working every day and not getting stressed out.
Hence, no blogging, no pictures.......
I will be the first to admit.
Working part-time keeps me sane.
It is how I deal with my depression.
My alone time.
I need it.
Right now, not getting so much of it.
I am still keeping my foot in two jobs for the time being.....
really enjoying the new one,
but too nice, dumb, gullible, crazy - you pick the adjective - to get out of the first....
besides J is spending money right now like it is coming out of our ears, so me thinks I will hang onto the first for a little while longer......
working for new floors baby!
But things should settle in a week or two.

Apparently,
I only blog when I need to complain....
so I need to change that!

And now for the juicy part...
Apparently...I am not as open minded as I thought I was.
K has decided, I think through the convincing of some friends, to
join an after school group called the Gay-Straight Alliance.
Chess club? Nope.
School play?
Nope.
Watching a friend play sports?
Nope.
School project?
Nope.
"Gay-Straight Alliance Club"
Yup.
You heard me.
(I will now wait while my mother-in-law gets off the floor)
No.
Not because she is gay.
I know all too well, and there are times I wish I didn't know so well
my daughter's sexual orientation,
and it seems to be firmly planted in the opposite sex.
Too much so at times if you ask me.
But anyway....I digress.
So when she asked me one day if she could stay after school to attend GSA.....

I was caught off guard - and darn is she good at that.
Me-"What's that?"
K- "Gay-Straight Alliance Club"
*Pause*
Me- "oh really."
*pause*
Me- "what is that about?"
K- "A club for gay and straight kids to get together and talk about problems and such. I think they do some fundraising and stuff"
Me - "Yeah. I guess so."

My pauses shocked me.
I am open minded. Aren't I? I thought I was!
I know K has some homosexual friends, or so she says anyway,
and even she says "bi" friends
(and for goodness sake I don't think I even knew what "bi" was until I was in college!)
I do not think I judge anyone based on their sexual orientation,
and that is not what drew me to pause.
And I hate myself for even letting the thought cross by mind, but it had to....

"what will everyone else think?"
Yes.
I said it.
That is what I thought.
K has struggled so much socially. Finally has friends.
She is so open and caring and giving.
And sensitive.
I should know she always stands up for the underdog.
So - I should have been proud of her.
And I am - If she is truly there because she has a passion for their rights - I still suspect it is more a social event for her than anything but time will tell.
But my first thought.....
I don't want her be made to stand out again.
Or made fun of.
I am ashamed of myself.
So I am trying to remain open and supportive.
Although I don't think I really have to worry.
Every time I pick her up and ask what the topic was today or etc....
she tells me she doesn't pay much attention.
Reconfirming my suspicion that it is mostly a social event for her
but she is still in it.
So time will tell.
And hopefully soon, I won't care what other people think.
Will she stand at a fundraiser waving a rainbow flag?
I don't know.
How will I feel about it?
I can honestly say I don't know.
If she came to me and told me she was gay I like to think I would be ok with it
as supportive as I imagine myself to be.
I really think it is the idea that other kids think she is homosexual when she isn't
and how that will make her feel that makes me take pause.
Or that someone "hate" her -
cause in high school everyone "hates" or "likes" you, there is no in-between according to my lovely daughter....no matter how hard I try to explain that there is a huge variation of the two in the middle.....
I don't want anyone to hate her because she supports her friends.
And I hate that I shouldn't care, it shouldn't matter but it does.
No parent wants to see their kids hurt.
This learning that I can't protect them from everything is hard.

She must be paying some attention because over the weekend in the car,
I mentioned that something was "gay"meaning weird or stupid - and got my throat jumped down because I used the word inappropriately according to her.
So this led to a good discussion,
about what things meant in my generation compared to now etc.
So I guess now I will have to watch my tongue.

Apparently,
there shall continue to never be a dull moment in my life.
K will make certain of that!