Another thing...

Another thing that would shock my younger self - if I had it to do all over again, these would be my wedding flowers. Are they not the coolest!? I didn't even have the guts to stand up to the family and get the black and white evening wedding I wanted. There is no way I could ever have been so non-traditional as to have felt wedding flowers... I did buck local tradition enough not to dry and display my wedding bouquet on a shelf in my living room for the next 10 years until it was so dusty and disgusting it had to be thrown away (Forgive me if yours is still on your shelf, I am speaking of me and my preferences) I did stand my ground and get the purple roses I wanted in my bouquet - but they turned out more of a gray than purple and the wedding planner my mom insisted on hiring took it upon herself to make a tradition bouquet rather than the ribbon wrapped stems I wanted. But I am no longer bitter about that. ::grin::

I wish I had had the confidence in my younger self to truly be who I wanted to be, not who everyone expected me to be, or what I thought I was supposed to be. At the time, I think I thought I was being who I wanted to be. But now I am not so sure. I think that is what I love best about aging. That maturity that comes with age, and the ability to say, "yeah ya know what? I don't like that. I like this and you have to deal with it." I look back now, and am finding myself doing that more and more lately, it is becoming unsettling - and I look at younger me and wonder if this or that was what I truly wanted. You can't go back and change, but now I can see how things that were going on in life around me, swayed my choices. I was and still am for the most part a people pleaser. (Although I am getting better at putting me and my immediate family first) If I make them happy they like/notice me. I was always the "good" girl. The dependable one. I often wonder how I would have been different, if possibly I had made some other choices. Would I like who I would be now? I totally believe in things happening for a reason,a nd appreciating who I am being based on what I have been through and experienced, for the most part would never change a single thing that has happened in my life...but every now and then you just have to wonder.