On purpose

Before you say - could she seriously be blogging without a picture?! The answer is yes. And it's ok! Feels mighty wierd, I really use the pictures to trigger my thoughts...but anyway...this past weekend was Relay Weekend - aka The American Cancer Society Relay for Life. This is a 24 hour walking event, where teams are supposed to have someone walking laps on the track for the entire 24 hours. My sister and I have had a team for many many years now. We walk in honor and memory of our mom, and the many other friends and family that we have lost to the damn C- word. Just us really, every year we get a few friends come and go, and this year the kids were really really into it. Last year we wound up being just an online donating team, and the year before my sister's husband was in emergency surgery the morning of the walk, I was home with all the kids and it was pouring down rain. Yes, I made the executive decision to stay home that year! So this was the first in a while that we have been at the track, and the kids couldnt' wait. It was hot hot hot this year, and yes, we set up a tent and I slept in a bag chair on and off Sat nite, BUT it is all about the cause! And all the pictures are in my sister's camera!

I have been thinking a lot lately about "living life on purpose" I am calling it. How do I live my life? One of my patients once made a comment to me about "running along barking with the dogs" - I know Zoey does this all the time. Runs up barking like mad cause she hears the neighborhood dogs barking, meanwhile she has no clue why she is barking or at what but by darn she is going to be with all the other dogs! Do I "run along with the dogs" simply barking along as I am expected to, or do I really know about what I am barking? I can say I used to be much more guilty of this than I have been lately. Simply doing what is expected of me because it is expected. Making decisions based on what I thought others thought I should do or what the "right thing" in everyone else's eyes was to do. That is no way to live. I have met and treated so many people who are just surviving the day to day. No passion in their life, no enjoyment of anything, no purpose to get up in the morning other than to go to work to bring home the paycheck. Sad, so sad. Where is their purpose? Passion in something outside of the everyday is so important to humans.

Everyone should have a passion, do something they love, have something that is important to them, and make it their passion. Live the way they chose to live becauase that is what they want to do , not what is expected. Everyone should have something they believe in, and feel like they make some sort of difference. My sister and I are dedicated to the Relay. We put a lot of time and effort into fundraising, but hosting a super uber fun and cool weekend scrapbook crop. But I can tell you sitting there Saturday watching and listening, there are some that are so much more passionate about it, you feel unworthy! It's wonderful! It gives them joy, satisfaction, and the feeling of making some sort of difference in something that is pretty hard to control. I wondered and presented myself with the question as to why I relay? It is a passion of mine, along with a lot of other things, but I am not nearly as involved as some....then it hit me.....
I relay because I have to. I can't not relay. If I didn't I wouldn't be trying to help. To make a difference. To have hope. To do my small part to try to help survivors and researchers. I can't just sit back and say, "someone else will do it". I can't get my mom back or any of the others that are gone. I can't cure those that fight the fight today, to stay on this earth a bit longer to be with their families, and make their own difference, but I darn well can do SOMETHING - and my something is the relay. For now. As I get older and the kids require less of me, perhaps I will get involved in other ways. When cancer became part of my life, my reaction was to "do" something. I am a do-er. I hate when friends are hurting and there is nothing I can do to help. My mom had walked the survivor lap at the Relay the year before she died, and was so excited about it. Her passion as soon as she was diagnosed was to immediately start educating any woman that would stop to listen about the importance of self exams and mammograms. By darn she was going to make something good come of it all, if nothing else to keep someone else from possibly going through what she was experiencing. So I chose the ACS and believe in their mission. So - I relay. Camp out, walk laps, raise money, and pray that somehow something I did will help someone along the way or help a researcher discover that cure.

If there is one thing I pray my kids learn from me - is not to be victims. To be an active part of the solution - whether we see it in our lifetime or not. To make some sort of difference. To find some wrong they want righted and work to see it happen. To live thier loves on purpose with more of a purpose than getting through the day. I want them to live every day on purpose because they chose to do so.