www.pottstownrelayforlife.com
we have been raising money for and walking in this 24 hour event to raise money for the American Cancer Society for the last , gosh, I think 7 years.
The topic got me thinking though. The fact that I am working on C.'s first year album has helped trigger some of my thoughts I am sure. I am not sure what the planning committee had in mind when they came up with this theme, but Ang came up with a great idea to decorate our tent. I have an album (magnetic -don't get me started it was 1992!) that I put together for Mom for her 40th birthday, highlighting her life to that point. Ang's idea was that we make 12 x 12 scrapbook pages, and hang them in and around out tent, and add a huge title "Moments in Time". Great idea!! Cause each of her "moments" affected us in some way.
Isn't that was our lives really consist of? Moments? One after the other.
When we think of someone who is gone or someone we miss, what comes to mind?
Not all the every day mundane things, Not their entire "story" but the moments.
The big things.
But do we really wish we could remember?
The little things. The every day.
Do I really need to remember every event, present opened, and game played!? Or would I rather remember how C. greeted me every morning when he was a baby?
Moments that we think are big at the time, often wind being insignificant as time passes. Moments we think are insignificant, often turn out to be the big ones.
And what are we constantly trying to do?
Freeze those moments.
Remember them.
With the thousands of photos we take every year.
With the scrapbook pages we make every year.
There are so many times I look at the kids doing something or saying something and I hope and pray that it is something I will remember, and know I want to remember. Feeling sad that , most likely the moment will pass and go undocumented or forgotten until a sound or smell triggers it. I look at these pictures , and while it warms me to my toes and makes me smile. I can't remember exactly how that day "felt". I really can't.
I didn't journal then. I didnt' scrapbook then. I do my best to capture things in my scrapbooks. The blog certainly has helped me capture more of the everyday. But we can't freeze time. No matter how hard we try. It passes, as do the memories.
Did this seem like a big moment at the time? Probably not. Although since my mom was already fighting the cancer at the time, I think we knew it was a big thing. Would the day had been different had we known she wouldnt' be here to celebrate C's next birthday? I am sure. But is this all I want to remember about her? Certainly not. I want the kids to remember that she always had KoolAid drinks in the frig and popsicles in the freezer. A year after she was gone, without even knowing, K. knew to look in the frig when we visited Poppop, and was very sad when there was no Kool Aid. I wish I had asked her more questions. How? Why? We are the only ones who own our "moments" - they die with us. If no one asks us about them, or we don't share them, they are gone. I guess my point is to remind myself that life is more than just the "big" moments. It is the little things too. It is the little things hopefully our family will want to remember about us, and hopefully what we share with them, and they will remember about us.
Once again - I think I drifted way off track. But I guess I get my point. :::smile::::
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