Lookie lookie

The fence posts are coming together!!

I see dead people.....

We got new mattresses last week. We had a crappy imitation Select Comfort Air bed. No matter how I adjusted that thing I never seemed to be comfortable. So, after sleeping in Unionville for nearly two weeks on a Spring air pillow top, J decided we needed one.
So - we remove the old bedding and this sight greets me.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, there must be three dead people under that bed!
To say I am a bit obsessive about the dust in my house would probably be putting it mildly. This was thick also.....
The motor for the air pump used to sit under the bed, as well as the center supports, and the bed weighs a TON...so getting under there is tough, but i was under the guise of believing I was doing a pretty good job. You can see the vacuum lines of my feeble attempts to reach it....
you can rest assured that there are no more dead people under our bed, as well as every nook and cranny in our bedroom being obliterated by the nozzle tool as far behind them as I could reach! I had major creepy crawlies after doing that!

This pretty little guy came to visit our yard on Sunday. He is young. The tree is not dead, I didn't have the heart to tell the poor little thing he was tapping up the wrong tree! He came back later in the day and tried the dogwood. Love the markings. According to what I looked up, he is a Hairy Woodpecker , either female or too young, as she lacks the males red patch on the head.

Then, we had the fun of starting to plan out adding split rail fence corners to the front yard near the ill placed trees the builder put in. The beds have been awkward and the bane of my existence for the last two springs. It feels good to be finally doing something about it! Although it is killing me that with the recent flare ups in my back and my pending injections I can only supervise. No shoveling for me. the fun part will be shopping for the shrubs and perennials I will be putting in!!

Then there is this silly face......he had his last chorus concert the other night at school...last elementary concert....he decided not to sing in Jr High, so for him, last chorus concert all together. Bittersweet, as they grow, no more elementary school momming for me!
Of course when I asked him to pose instead of standing like a statue this is what he did. What a goof.

Lots of activity around the bitty homestead lately. Looking forward to enjoying some 80 degree weather this weekend. I am sure there will be pictures of our progress and my "leisure" of supervising. :) I did buy some annuals and perennials for my pots and am hoping to get their colorful goodness planted this weekend if J puts them up on the table for me.......

*sigh*

The littel witch broke his heart.
Yesterday.
The worst part for me.
I wasn't here to comfort him.
I had a meeting at work, that kept me later than I expected.
I was not here as usual after school yesterday.
I am nearly ALWAYS here, yet this day when I was needed I wasn't here. It tears me up.
Daddy had to comfort. And dare I say, I think he did ok.
Well actually - K was first. She, from the story J told me, found C in his room crying.
The kid does not bring us his emotions like K does. It can be frustrating at times.
Apparently, she then came downstairs and let J know that C needed a hug and was having a bad day. J said he went up talked to him a bit, but would not tell me one word he said, and then they hung out a bit together playing video games and such. in his male wisdom, J says, "That is all he needed" - hrumph.....
I was only home 30 minutes before I had to leave again.
When C entered the room I simply said, hi, and asked how his day was. He just smiled, said "ok" and let it at that.
It was KILLING me not to ask him more. But I let it ride.
When I came home after bed time, all seemed well.
I told him this morning at breakfast that Daddy told me what happened, and asked if he was ok or wanted to talk about it. He, of course, said he was fine, and no he didn't need to talk about it. He was going to ask her today why. So maybe I will have my chance to comfort today. I don't know.
I know I can not be here for everything as much as I try.
I know I will not be able to keep either of them from being hurt.
I know I will not be able to smooth over every pain.

But gosh darn it I can try my best!
It hurts me when I can't.

This may scar him....

If he ever finds out. Or when he reads this in ten years.....
I can't help it.
I have to post it.
Found this in C's room today when I was making up his bed.....I don't snoop, but have told the kids if something is out and about when I am cleaning up, you can bet I am going to open it.
A note. To a girl.

Dear A~~~~,
you are very nice and you fill my heart with joy. You make me feel so good. I am so happy around you I can' t even come close to explaining my feelings for you.
Love you,
C~~~~


ACK!
My son is a lover not a fighter, that is for sure. But he is only 12!!
I will say my reaction to this was far different than the first time I found a note K intended for a boy. My reaction to C's was "awwww....how sweet..." - My reaction to K's was "aw, maaaan. Here we go." But in my defense, there was a whole different tone to her's, maybe that is why it bothered me more. Her's were not gushy, sweet like this one.

The difference in my reactions worries me though.
Not sure why.
All I can do is go with it.
It was funny on the field trip two weeks ago, I was amazed at the difference in the boys. We pretty much stayed together as a group, and I was surprised to hear the boys constant concern about where this girl or that girl was. That seemed all their concern for the day. The girls.
Oy.
Can I handle another teenager in the house?

Contentment vs settling

These thoughts have been milling around in my head for a few weeks now. Actually I think the thought was much better formed then, than now - since I have lost some of my original thoughts....how is that for the largest run on sentence you have ever seen!?
For some reason when I was driving - see I get a lot of that time with my job -
I was mulling over, the contrast/comparision or possible similarities with being
content with your life, or just giving up and settling for what you got.
"Settling" for something just has such a negative connotation in our society these days.
So first - in true fashion of one of my favorite pastors, I went to Webster's dictionary and thesarus first......


Content:
Definition: happy, agreeable
Synonyms: appeased, at ease, can't complain, comfortable, complacent, contented, fat dumb and happy, fulfilled, gratified, pleased as punch, satisfied, smug, tickled pink*, willing

Settle:
Definition: straighten out, resolve
Synonyms: achieve, adjudicate, adjust, appoint, arrange, call the shots*, choose, cinch, clean up, clear, clear up, clinch, come to a conclusion, come to a decision, come to an agreement, complete, concert, conclude, confirm, decide, determine, discharge, dispose, end, establish, figure, fix, form judgment, judge, make a decision, make certain, mediate, nail down*, negotiate, order, pay, put an end to, put into order, reconcile, regulate, rule, satisfy, seal, set to rights, square, verify, work out

I don't know why but I just keep thinking, do we have to "settle" for a situation before we can become content in it? Does being content mean we never again want to change that certain thing, or do we again at some point have to become discontent again and institute a change?
I know God wants us to see the good in all things, and be content with our lives, but I also know He does not want us to "roll over and play dead". He allowed us free will for a reason. I do not think He would give it to us without expecting us to use it.
Do we have to be content to be happy, or can we "settle" for a situation and be happy in it?
But I do believe to be truly honestly happy in life, we do have to be content with what we have.
Does that mean lower our standards, so as not to expect so much, then we can be content with what we have? Or striving to get what we want and then be content with it?
I do think society's standards these days do place emphasis on many things that most average Joe's will never achieve, and many people spend their lives wishing for what they don't have, and then perhaps stealing their own joy. I don't think striving to acheive goals is a bad thing, unless those goals are unrealistic or based on vanity, coveting or other things of that sort. While initially I was uncomfortable with the idea of lowering your standards, in order to acheive happiness, I slowly and coming to terms to thinking of it as "learning to live within your means". Maybe it means being more realisitc with ourselves and realizing we CAN be happy without "having it all" - every single thing we want, rather than just what we need.
Does learning to be content with what we have mean we should never strive to improve, grow and gain more?
I love how the thesarus gave "fat, dumb and happy" , and "pleased as punch" as synonyms for content.
Does a "fat, dumb and happy" cat, with a full tummy and warm bed, stop hunting? No - because sooner or later he will be hungry again. Does he take a few minutes to relish the full feeling, lounge in a sunbeam and take a nap? Sure. But he does get hungry again.
And I think as humans, we too, get hungry again - in our case it is usually in a less concrete way. So I guess I am saying, yes we can be content, and yet still at some later time, again decide to make some changes. Life is not static. It does not stay the same forever. As long as the things we decide to strive for are not based on things like pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. I did not originally list all of these but in writing it realized, I was really commenting about the 7 deadly sins. See a comparision there? Desires based on any of these emotions will certainly steal your happiness and cause discontentment.
Can we be content with things we have to "settle" for - I think so. because if you really step back and take a look at it, sometimes what we consider "Settling" is simply a lesser but totally adequate answer to that need.
Gee- I really want that $400,00 6 bedroom house at the end of the cul-de-sac, but I will "settle" for the less expensive, pretty house in the smaller development. The smaller house most certainly meets my familiy's needs, perhaps it just does not satisfy my larger pipe dream. Do I NEED to live in the huge house to be happy. Certainly not.
We can chose to be happy and content with anything. it is just in the matter in which you look at it. Could I chose to move into the smaller house with bitterness and spend my time constantly looking up the road at the larger house, make myself miserable day in and day out? Or could I chose to turn around, make my home into "mine" , make it warm and happy for my children and be content there?
See the difference?
I think we do need to "settle" on a situation - at Websters says, "come to a conclusion, make a decision" - on something, before we can truly be "content". So perhaps the two do go hand in hand. When we step back and really look at our reason for "wanting" something, or wanting to be something, we can realize most likely it is because we are envious of someone else, or too prideful to admit we can't afford a certain item that our neighbor has, and such.
So I am not sure if I have answered my own questions. I am not even totally sure where this stuff in my brain comes from...but it does....
If only I can be sure this is a lesson I teach my children.

Easter

I am still here! Amazingly wordless lately. Things in my head to write but not much motivation or time to get here and write....so here is Easter mostly in pictures....
It was a bittersweet Easter this year.
The kids are older.
Which means the Easter Bunny did not come this year. They did still want to dye the eggs though, which was wonderful for me. :)
WE had been so busy the weeks leading up to Easter, and J did not heed my nagging, so we left home without Easter baskets and I had not done one bit of shopping.
The entire holiday just felt rushed and intentional. We did what we are "supposed" to do. Not much though to it, and not much feeling. I hated that...
but these faces can cure me anytime.

What is up with the hand gesture continuing into every picture we take, I do not know, but I was relieved when we were in NY two weeks ago that she is not the only one that does it. Drives me nuts, but I am not the one that will look back in 10 years and say, "why the heck did I have to do that in every picture?!"

J and his parents. Love the picture. We don't get many oppotunity for it. :)
J is trying to talk them into moving closer, or perhaps in with us.

Crafty colorful goodness.

And this is always what happens when I try to get a nice picture of my darling.
We had just gotten back from a REALLY nice dinner out. (thanks Maw for letting us get out!) Yummy Italian place outside of Albany. I had Gorgonzola Salmon over orzo that I will desperately trying to copy until I get it right.
Lots of thoughts I am trying to put together in a sensible way....so maybe some real meaningful posts to come. Who knows.

Awakenings

As defined by Dictionary.com
Awakening -

–adjective

1.	rousing; quickening: an awakening interest in ballet.

–noun

2.	the act of awaking from sleep.

3.	a revival of interest or attention.

4.	a recognition, realization, or coming into awareness of something: a rude awakening to the disagreeable facts.

5.	a renewal of interest in religion, esp. in a community; a revival.

Pretty much sums up very well my feelings in the spring.
I love to watch my garden awake.
And as I was walking around taking these pictures today - above incidently are my lilac buds on one of the three trees I have (given me by a beloved patient when we first moved into our house. I also love to remember her everytime they bloom) - I realized too - in the spring I feel as though I am also awakening. To see the sprigs of green pushing through last years dead brown leaves, gives such a feeling of hope. No matter how dark and cold the winter has been, spring always comes, and with it renewed hope for a sunny day and a flower bud. As the flowers arrive, I can feel the sensation of awakening as well.

I feel like I have slept-walked (can that be in past tense?) through February and March....the winter gets to me. I get dull. When I think back on it, I honestly really just seem to drift through the days. No more stimulation from the holidays. Just gray cold days. Not sensing much, not feeling much. However, I don't really ever realize it until spring comes, the flowers start to awaken, and as well I start to feel my senses come alive again. I start to notice the things again. Actually long to do something. Relish the feel of the dirt in my hands, the ache of my muscles as I work( I was going to say toil, but man does that sound *stuffy* ) in my flower beds again. It isn't until then do I realize how dull I have become in the previous few weeks. I think the vitamin D I have been taking has saved me from some of the dredges of depression I usually get in those months, but I was still dull. I love the spring sensation of *feeling* again. Fresh air. Sunshine on my face. Everything seems so much more vivid in the spring air. The gray is lifting.
I have also let the faithful part of my nature really go dormant in the last few months. So easy to do, so I am also feeling that familar stirring of religious awakening. That also feels very good. It is so easy to get bogged down in the "winters" of our lives. So many people I know right now are having a long cold "winter". I am so glad that no matter what , no matter when, spring does arrive and I pray we relish that as much as we can.
PS - unfortunately I am too late to show you photos of the beautiful crocus in the garden, asn the rabbits have made a wonderful crocus salad out of them!

Blame Facebook

So how about some cute fuzzy faces to take your mind off of my lack of writing lately!?
Too busy. Blame Facebook for occupying my computer time.
My head has been full but scattered.
Stop yelling at me. I will post soon.
In the meantime.....
Easter fuzzies for you.

Interesting perspective

Interesting perspective and article titled
Growing up on FaceBook

I haven't read the whole thing yet, and will comment more later...just wanted to see what y'all thought before I add my .02!

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

So I hope this picture makes you smile.
$3 at Micheal's it made me smile, so I bought it.

This is my "depressed stance." When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this. ~Charlie Brown

How true Charlie Brown how true.
So straighten up today, hold your head high, smile at a stranger...and
I will bet a million dollars, you feel good.

Sums it up

K took one of those "personality quiz" things on FaceBook...not that I believe in all that...but I will say this one pretty much got it right.....

The Crimson Heart is assertive, brave, energetic, action-oriented, intelligent, individualistic, independent, impulsive, full of strength, competitive, eager, straightforward, forceful, headstrong, pioneering, a leader, focused on the present and freedom-loving. They can also sometimes be intemperate, violent, impatient, fiery, rash, extreme, and arrogant.

Not that any of that is a bad thing.
Very proud of my girl.

Oh my gosh -
this was too good not to share.
Totally jacked from Tara's blog..

"Don't waste your time with nonsense, there is plenty of it,
and go and find what makes you happy while you can.
Since time slips away too quickly.....
you are here to be happy."

Last one promise

Zits

This cartoon used to remind me of my nephews.
Now I find myself living it.
The one up top caught my attention over the weekend.
It SO totally sums up the typical teenager.

So I did a search and found a site to read back dated comics....
and saw this one....
I had to laugh. I always tease that I can always tell where K has been from the time she gets home.....I usually call it the "evidence of life" trail. My proof that I am not alone......

And queen of procrastination has often left me in this situation.
There are tons that I find myself nodding and laughing at while reading, more in that "oh yeah you are so right I am so glad I am not alone" way!
I did manage to one up her yesterday and put one in the "mom" column....she walked away from the dinner table, rustled around in the kitchen and started to walk away. Without looking up or turning around, I simply said "how about if you put that cookie back and come eat more dinner if you are still hungry" -
I got "How did you know that? Do you know everything?" - with the huge sigh and "maaaannnnn" - as she walked away.
Yeeessssss....score one for mom.
To which I just simply replied - "just remember that when you think you are getting away with something."
:::snicker:::